Welcome! Nuestra Casa Es Su Casa ...Our house is your house

A glimpse into the life of Daniel and Jaynee Lockwood and their 12 precious blessings. Thank you for visiting; we pray that what we share here may always bring glory to our wonderful God and Saviour. May you praise the Lord with us for the great things He has done and continues to do as we serve Him sharing the gospel here in the little town of Cuidad Insurgentes, BCS Mexico. He alone is good and faithful!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Not hiding....Healing

Many people have followed your journey, prayed for you, contributed to your vision. I think many people would like an update on how you are really doing and how you are coping with the changes in your life. The thing with Christians is that when things are not "good" they hide that part away thus keeping others from learning how to deal in the rough times. We hide behind a mask and lie to others & our own selves. It really is sad because there is so much to be learned from those who have walked a tough walk.


This in an anonymous comment I received the other day very much like others I have received during the course of the past months.  I'm not sure if they represent how many people are feeling or just a select few.  I haven't responded to them.  Today I would like to reply.

I have always been so very thankful for those who have loved, prayed for, and encouraged our family throughout the years.  True friends are a treasure that far exceeds any material possession.  I'm know there are still many people who think of and pray for our family.  Thank you.
And there are probably many, many people who have wondered or continue to wonder how we are doing.  I know if I were in their shoes, I would too.
Yes, many times people do hide parts that aren't good.  Often, for fear of pain or rejection or numerous other reasons, people portray only what they want others to think about themselves even if it's a far cry from what's truly going on inside.
I know I have been guilty of that many times in my life.
But that is not what I want to do.  And it is not my reason for not updating here.

Only those who have experienced first hand the pain and emotions that one goes through when going through what our family has gone/is going through can truly understand.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually...everything is tried and affected.

I love my God, Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I love my husband.  I love my children.  And the past year, I have needed to focus entirely on my relationship with the Lord, my marriage, my family, and working through all the pain and issues that needed to be dealt with that healing may come.  It is a very, very hard road.  It is like being on a roller coaster ride with huge dips and turns and dives (only without the thrill/fun) that seems never ending.  Just when your stomach slightly recovers from one loop, another one is about to happen.

I'm not hiding.  I don't want anyone to think I am something I am not.  I am a Christian who loves the Lord and has had to cling to Him and come to know Him like never before.  I am a wife who is working through some incredible hurts.  I am a wife who is working through many sins in her own life that the Lord keeps weeding out.  I am a mom who needs to be there for her children...there to help them adjust to a new home/country, keep them going on school, keep clothes and house clean, tummies fed, and ear open to listen.

Tears, questions, confusion, discouragement,  anger, pain....hope, surrender, faith, obedience, peace.  So much.   And the Lord is carrying us through.
I haven't been hiding.  I've just need to focus my time and energy on what's most needed.  Some days it has felt like just trying to survive.  Wondering if life will ever feel normal again or what normal even is.  Wondering if there will ever be good days.  Wanting to get off this ride. Wanting the healing to be complete.
But it is something you can't rush.
God makes all things beautiful in His time.  We have the Wonderful Counselor.  And He has promised that we will never be alone.  He will walk this journey with us.  And there have been good days. 
As I journey, I have journal-ed, but privately. There are things that I think or feel one day that in time,  I come to see very differently.  There are honest, raw feelings that I need to only share with the Lord or with Daniel or maybe with our pastor or close friend.  It isn't because I want to hide, but because it just isn't the time or place.
Will I ever share more?  If the Lord wants me to someday, I will.  Yes, others are helped when we are open about what we have gone through and how the Lord helped us.  If He wants me to someday, I will.

I hope that helps you understand.  Thank you for praying for us.  




37 comments:

  1. Dear Jaynee, You and I have never meet but I stumbled upon your blog one day a few years ago and have read ever since. I pray for you and your family. I would just like to make a comment that I hope does not sound rude to anyone but here it is. You are not responsible to anyone other that your family and God. If you choose to keep a very personal thing private, than that is what you should do. If our God lays it on your heart to share, then I know you will be obedient. We live in a society where everyone feels everything is their business, it is not. I value my husband and family so much that there are things I will keep private even though society says we should "get it off our chests". Keep up the good fight my sister. It will be worth it all when we see Jesus!

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  2. I understand. And I am praying for you every single day. I love you, my friend.

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  3. I am praying for you Jaynee! And I completely understand your silence for this time. You are such a testimony of focusing on the right things. You are a blessing to me my friend!
    With Much Love,
    Kami

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  4. Glad you are doing ok - I check in for updates now and then and you are often in my thoughts. Hope the kids have settled well in your new home - they are all so big now. I miss reading your regular posts, but it is good to hear how you are getting on when you are able to post. x

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  5. May God be with you on this journey. I am praying. Don't feel pressured to share things you aren't able or ready to share. :) I pray that by God's grace the healing will come.

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  6. So glad to see an update - not because I'm nosy, but because I admire and wonder about your family. I have been reading your blog for a long time. I am a Christian, homeschooling mother of 7.

    Marriage is so hard - godly marriages even more so, I think. Does that make any sense? My husband and I have been through so much in the almost 23 years we have been married. We were not Christians when we got married. We have somehow managed to hold on. We love each other deeply, but it seems our marriage is constantly under attack. It can be so lonely and overwhelming. I wish I knew you or was geographically close to you. I would love to be a support to you in whatever way I could, although all I would have to offer is understanding. I certainly don't have anything figured out. But, I'm thankful that I don't have to. I know the One who does - as you do.

    I tend to be very open about my struggles, as I think it is so important for people to realize that there is no shame. Godly marriages have their bad times, and I use that term lightly because I know that when you are in the midst of it, it is larger than life. And then, there is the enormous amount of effort it takes to carry on with all that is required in the day-to-day of a large family. I don't know about you, but I feel like my own self gets lost. There is no failure, however, until you quit forever (I have quit momentarily, but always gotten back up to fight again).

    I really just wanted to maybe encourage you and let you know that: 1. It's awful. 2. You're not alone. 3. Somehow/ sometime it's going to be okay. I will pray for you and your family, and all of us that are striving to do what is right. Keep your eyes up!

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  7. Though we have never met, I think of you often and continue to pray for you and your precious family. It has been fun and an inspiration to follow your blog and watch your children grow in the Lord these last several years. If your children would like to post pictures and updates about daily life and what they're doing, that would be great, But if they have no desire to, that's fine and I understand. Please do not feel any pressure to post before it's the right time. Maybe it will be soon or maybe it will be never, but the Lord will reveal it to you.
    Love in Christ,
    Valerie

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  8. The curious thing about a blog is that it's an abbreviation for "web log." And a log is a journal, a place to record thoughts - usually private thoughts. So really, a journal being made public via the internet is, to me, an oxymoron. I also blog, but I agree with you Jaynee that some of the hard, painful things in life need to be worked through privately. Each believer needs to prayerfully decide how best to heal from a crisis. Thank you, Jaynee, for your honesty. We care about you and pray for you and your family, but you're under no obligation to share every detail of your struggles publicly. "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and salvation ... I will never be shaken." Psalm 62:1-2

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  9. Just praying for you and your family that we loved through your blog for many years.
    Sharing your adventures, your ups and downs...
    Reading your article, it could just fit to my life...
    Sounds so familiar... except I have been run down by a dreadful sickness.
    Trying to deal with it for over 4 years. Strangely I could so much identify to what you shared...
    Thank you for putting words on these emotions.
    Concerned and praying for you.

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  10. I am so glad you hear an update. I realize that the things you are facing are personal, and of course, these things aren't all meant to be shared publically. I am sure that we all just want you to know that we care about you and have been praying for you. We just want to know that you are "okay", at least in some sense of the word. We will continue to pray for you and your family as you adjust to all that you face. God Bless!

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  11. Dear Jaynee,
    So glad to hear that you are healing. Healing takes time especially matters that cause us to grieve while at the same time healing is taking place. Just wanted you to know we are thinking of you and praying for you all. We are all here if you need us. :) You know that. Your family is important and we are glad you are there for them too! Many of us have no idea what you are going through even feels like but we know that nothing takes our LORD by surprise and HE cares!!! :)

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  12. I am praying for you How is your son doing in college I am glad you posted an update I meant to ask how all the children are

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  13. Prayers for you, dear Sister in Christ. May God continue to heal, protect, bless, comfort, etc.! (I saw a young man at PCC Campus Church a couple of Sunday's ago and he reminded me of your sons. I was prompted to pray for you and your family. Thank you for your testimony and walk with Christ via your blog.)

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  14. praying for you still and often Jaynee!!! your post could have been mine . . . though very different hurts and circumstances. and i don't say that i get what you are walking through . . . not for a second would i say that. but i do get grief and pain that is so deep that you can hardly breathe.
    we lost 3 babies last year. a 2nd trimester loss in February, an early loss in June and another early loss in December. this after 6 pregnancies with no complications of any sort. walking through pain and loss of this magnitude is something i have never had to experience before. and choosing to focus on my relationship with my God and Savior, my husband, and our children is about all i can handle.
    take all the time you need. you are doing the right things in focusing where God is leading you to focus.
    love and prayers, misty in NC

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  15. I've read your journal for years but I've never commented. I just wanted you to know that I'm praying for you, your family, and your journey back to a new normal. My last year has had incredible upsets and emotional turmoil within my marriage and your feelings have strongly resonated. May your tomorrow be easier than today. God bless.

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  16. Thank you for the update! Love and hugs to all of you!

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  17. Love to you sweet Jaynee. Always praying for you. He will never leave you alone. Keep looking UP!!!!!

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  18. Sorry for it all. I hope your son is doing well in college. May your heart soon soar in Jesus' name.

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  19. Thank you so much for this update. We will continue to pray for you all.

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  20. Still praying for you. So, thankful that the Lord has not let you give up. Take all the time you need.

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  21. Praying for you and your family. Each one of us needs to learn to look to Christ for all we need - and in doing just that you are sharing what will help others. It's not the details anyone needs to know, but only that God is all-knowing, all-seeing, almighty, merciful and faithful.

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  22. So good to see the update. We love hearing from you knowing the family is well..
    We don't need details, just too know that the family is well. Just keep trusting the LORD and
    loving your family.

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  23. Jaynee... I wake up in the middle of the night often... wide awake. I do praying and sometiems get out of bed and go online for a bit. I think of you often... miss your blog, but more importantly, I miss YOU and wonder how you are doing. It concerned me when time elapsed with no updates. I wonder, I pray, I hurt for you. I thought of you again and went to you blog... hoping maybe, just maybe you updated. To my delight! Im thankful you are hanging in there, sorry it has to be so hard. Happy you are one strong Christian who is putting one step forward at a time and going with a tank of grace that is filled each day by our Loving God! I know of others who have walked your path. Ouch. It is no easy journey! Would you believe, I just read a book on something so similar to your path(no missionary work though), and how they let God fix their relationship, and remarry! It was a story that I know brought HOPE to many people! I was in AWE! I pray you will conitnue having a heart that is WILLING to share, if and when God says.....Please, do it! All for HIS Glory!:) Hang in there, Sweet Jaynee. Ill keep you in my prayers!! God be with you and you family! Thanks again for sharing!!! Hugs sent your way, my Sister! Heidi

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  25. Jaynee,

    I lived through similar life circumstances as a child...many prayers for you all.

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  26. My prayers continue for you Jaynee. Healing takes time. Allow yourself the time and the grace to grieve and heal properly. May God hold you close.
    Blessings
    Renata

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  27. You came to my mind today so I have prayed for you and your beautiful family. God sill has a purpose and plan for you. His love endures forever. Grace, peace, and joy to you and your loved ones. You are loved!

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  28. It's hard not hearing from your family. Read your blog for so long and became interested in you all; especially the children.
    It was always a blessing to hear what they were doing. When you can write an update. I know they are all at an exciting
    time in their lives. Have an awesome evening.

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  29. so straightforward. Do what you think.. God bless you

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  30. I have been there & we are 2 years out from when it all happened. I COMPLETELY understand the season you are in...so many thought our family just dropped off the face of the earth. But we weren't hiding either...we were healing (and STILL are) as you so beautifully put. Take your time to heal. God is in the business of taking ruins and re-building them into something glorious. It can be so sad when others make it about THEM...I want an update, I want to spend time with you etc. It only adds more stress to the person/family that is already walking through a difficult thing :( Hugs to you!!!! You are doing the right thing!!

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  31. The Lord brought you to mind today. Continuing to pray for you all!

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  32. hope all is going well with all the family, miss the updates.

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  33. Hope you are doing well! We have never met, but you and your family are in my prayers.

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  34. Just want you to know I'm praying for you and your family!

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  35. Would loved to hear how your family is doing Praying for you all

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  36. Jaynee, I pray for you and for your family continually. I know and understand what you are going through very well. The Lord has been so mercifully faithful and gracious to bring tremendous healing to me. I could write novels of what the Saviour has done for me, but as it says in John 21:25 - "...Even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written." Even though the heart-crushing pain and wounds are so grievous, I'm so glad that you are remaing faithful to our Lord Jesus. My precious God has taught me so, so much through the years - and as I look back at my own painful experiences, I am truly very thankful to Him for taking what the evil one meant for much evil and working it for much good. I have much to share, but I try to wait on the Lord's leading for His timing. I long to be of encouragement to you. By the way, Jaynee - I attend the same church as you (IBC). I will continue to lift you up in prayer, and please know that I am so near should you need a shoulder.

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