Welcome! Nuestra Casa Es Su Casa ...Our house is your house

A glimpse into the life of Daniel and Jaynee Lockwood and their 12 precious blessings. Thank you for visiting; we pray that what we share here may always bring glory to our wonderful God and Saviour. May you praise the Lord with us for the great things He has done and continues to do as we serve Him sharing the gospel here in the little town of Cuidad Insurgentes, BCS Mexico. He alone is good and faithful!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Not hiding....Healing

Many people have followed your journey, prayed for you, contributed to your vision. I think many people would like an update on how you are really doing and how you are coping with the changes in your life. The thing with Christians is that when things are not "good" they hide that part away thus keeping others from learning how to deal in the rough times. We hide behind a mask and lie to others & our own selves. It really is sad because there is so much to be learned from those who have walked a tough walk.

This in an anonymous comment I received the other day very much like others I have received during the course of the past months.  I'm not sure if they represent how many people are feeling or just a select few.  I haven't responded to them.  Today I would like to reply.

I have always been so very thankful for those who have loved, prayed for, and encouraged our family throughout the years.  True friends are a treasure that far exceeds any material possession.  I'm know there are still many people who think of and pray for our family.  Thank you.
And there are probably many, many people who have wondered or continue to wonder how we are doing.  I know if I were in their shoes, I would too.
Yes, many times people do hide parts that aren't good.  Often, for fear of pain or rejection or numerous other reasons, people portray only what they want others to think about themselves even if it's a far cry from what's truly going on inside.
I know I have been guilty of that many times in my life.
But that is not what I want to do.  And it is not my reason for not updating here.

Only those who have experienced first hand the pain and emotions that one goes through when going through what our family has gone/is going through can truly understand.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually...everything is tried and affected.

I love my God, Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I love my husband.  I love my children.  And the past year, I have needed to focus entirely on my relationship with the Lord, my marriage, my family, and working through all the pain and issues that needed to be dealt with that healing may come.  It is a very, very hard road.  It is like being on a roller coaster ride with huge dips and turns and dives (only without the thrill/fun) that seems never ending.  Just when your stomach slightly recovers from one loop, another one is about to happen.

I'm not hiding.  I don't want anyone to think I am something I am not.  I am a Christian who loves the Lord and has had to cling to Him and come to know Him like never before.  I am a wife who is working through some incredible hurts.  I am a wife who is working through many sins in her own life that the Lord keeps weeding out.  I am a mom who needs to be there for her children...there to help them adjust to a new home/country, keep them going on school, keep clothes and house clean, tummies fed, and ear open to listen.

Tears, questions, confusion, discouragement,  anger, pain....hope, surrender, faith, obedience, peace.  So much.   And the Lord is carrying us through.
I haven't been hiding.  I've just need to focus my time and energy on what's most needed.  Some days it has felt like just trying to survive.  Wondering if life will ever feel normal again or what normal even is.  Wondering if there will ever be good days.  Wanting to get off this ride. Wanting the healing to be complete.
But it is something you can't rush.
God makes all things beautiful in His time.  We have the Wonderful Counselor.  And He has promised that we will never be alone.  He will walk this journey with us.  And there have been good days. 
As I journey, I have journal-ed, but privately. There are things that I think or feel one day that in time,  I come to see very differently.  There are honest, raw feelings that I need to only share with the Lord or with Daniel or maybe with our pastor or close friend.  It isn't because I want to hide, but because it just isn't the time or place.
Will I ever share more?  If the Lord wants me to someday, I will.  Yes, others are helped when we are open about what we have gone through and how the Lord helped us.  If He wants me to someday, I will.

I hope that helps you understand.  Thank you for praying for us.