Daniel's brother Samuel just got married this past weekend. He's the brother who came down to serve in the ministry here for several months. I was super excited to see pictures from the wedding. They were beautiful of course. And then I got to see the faces of some of the people whom I love the most in this world...my brothers and sisters in laws, my neices and nephews...and I kept going back and forth between smiling and crying. If Daniel were home and saw me, he would say, "You are such a woman!" :-)
Sometimes I miss everyone soooooo much! I love the people here; I can't begin to write down how thankful I am to have been able to be a small part of seeing a church here spring up where Satan before had complete control; what my heart feels to see those dear brothers and sisters in Christ learning, growing, and being changed by the Lord I cannot express; I am so thankful to be married to a man who is not ashamed of the gospel of Christ and is willing to give his all to bring that glorious hope to those who have none.
I know this is where God has called us and there is really no other place I would rather be than in the this. And it feels more and more like home to me. What was before brought so much fear and uncertainty is sweetly familiar to me now.
But sometimes I miss our home so much...I miss our family. I miss our friends in the states. I miss being there for their birthdays, weddings, or any other holiday.
I miss stopping by a sister in laws house for the afternoon to visit and watch our children play. I miss being able to go to a store and buy the children some school supplies or new socks. And while so much of that is good as I love living simply and God is always so good to supply our every need, sometimes I just miss home. I sometimes feel that life goes on without us up north and it feels lonely and I just miss it. I miss taking the children to a grassy park to play or camping with our family or taking the children fishing. Tonight, I miss my homeland.
Sigh...and then I feel badly for feeling this way (again, I see my husbands smile and hear him saying, "Women!" :) ).
So while sometimes my heart is home sick, I do what I tell the children to do when their heart hurts. Tell it to Jesus. Know He loves us so much and understands like no other. He never leaves us!
Today is Benjamin's 10th birthday! Daniel and some of the children went out to San Carlos with some others from our church to see Brother Juan, but they are planning on being back later tonight, so we'll have cake and celebrate! You will never guess what he wanted for his b'day...a turtle. And I was sooo happy that they still had some at vet clinic. It is really the cutest little thing! And with the little bowl and food we bought, the total cost was only $15! He loves to eat! He'll fit in great here! And apparently, in 5 years, they get to be about the size of a pancake. Benjamin is very creative...he already named this little pet...his name is "Ben". Wonder if a turtle can learn its name and if both he and my Ben will come running when I call. :-)
Thank you for making me smile, Jaynee. You are a real blessing.
ReplyDelete(Love the two Bens ;))
I miss you Jaynee!! I just e-mailed you, so this post is for Benjamin. Make him read the first half. ;)
ReplyDeleteBenjamin, Oh Benjamin! Happy Birthday to you! You were the littlest Lockwood when I first met your family. You were still a baby. And I was just a tad younger than you are now!! :) I just realized that. :)
Sorry your book is taking a long time to get written. I haven't forgotten, though. You want it to be about gardens and bugs and tools and dirt.
Enjoy your turtle! Don't let him run away. If he does run away, get videographic documentation of the event....because nobody has ever seen a turtle run before. ;)
Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!
Aw, very sweet little turtle, and a very creative name!
ReplyDeleteHow very true about the sadness of being far from home. We have been too, for four years. Jesus is so faithful He gathers our tears in a bottle.
May God bless you,
Rebecca in Alberta, Canada
Mama to 9 little ones.
Ooh, I love baby turtles! We were given five about four years ago. (one didn't make it) but we still have Tootsie, Rollo, Fudge and Carmel. (I wanted to name two of them Sam and Ella- get it?) We enjoy them very much.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday, Benjamin!
Three guesses oh anonymous one...Hmmm....guess 1 is you are my sister; guess 2 is you are as goofy as I am; and guess three is that your name rhymes with Pristine :)
ReplyDeleteJaynee~
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Benjamin!!! 10 is such a grand age!
Wonderful turtle! WE love our turtle. When we first got him, he snapped at us. He lives in a long aquarium and is the size of a hefty pancake. Gavin named him "Octavius" :-)
Now our turtle is totally use to us. He doesn't dart under his floating rock when we come into the room. The kids even say he "likes" to have his belly rubbed. How they know this I know not :-)
I'm sorry you are homesick. Makes me want to come all the more :-)
Praying Jesus comforts you tonight~
~Cinnamon
Yes, Yes, and Yes. OK, looks like I've been identified. ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this. It is just what I needed! I was having a rather tough time today being so far away from my family. You are so right, take it to Jesus!
ReplyDeleteJayne- My heart ached for you as I read your post! I live far away from my family origin, and I miss them terribly at times. My cousin is getting married this weekend, and I won't be there. I feel for you- and you are ALLOWED to feel sad and homesick and miss your family! It's not a "woman" thing- it's missing the people that God put into your life and allowed you to have close relationships with! All of this is being said with much love- you are a good, noble woman! Please take care!
ReplyDeleteI've been fighting feelings of homesickness this past week, too, and I didn't even miss a wedding this weekend. There are times, even though we are thrilled to be serving the Lord and helping our husbands on the field, there are times it really is a sacrifice. What a blessing that God gives us joy when we do all as unto Him!You'll be in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteIn a small way, I can relate, Jaynee. Being in Alaska where it is a 3 hour flight JUST to get to the *first* connecting airport (usually Seattle or Portland), I too feel that longing for 'home' and family many days. When my dad moved to Idaho last Summer, it left me with no family in Alaska but my own sweet little one right here under this roof. Anyways, this post encouraged me to 'tell it to Jesus' when I start to get lonely for family- my sister, dad, nieces and nephews, etc. And I think my husband could relate to yours as well, "WOMEN!" haha Sometimes I wish I could be more steady and stable like my wonderful husband. Oh the maturing I still have to do... :) Love you Jaynee!
ReplyDeleteHappy 10TH Birthday Ben. Hope you have a GREAT one.
ReplyDeleteThis is for Mom,
Do you know those little turtles carry salmonella? They have been Banned here in the USA for 35 years know due to it. Here is Some info for you to check it out.
http://www.fda.gov/ForConsumers/ConsumerUpdates/ucm048151.htm
Just wanna keep those Cute kids of yours Salmonella free : )
Mom2AnAngel
I am sending you a hug dear friend. You and dear Daniel are doing such great work. I am sorry you are homesick. Dennis smiles at me and says the same thing. They love us don't they, ;)! You are in my heart and prayers. Love you dear pal, Tracylea
ReplyDeleteMom2anAngel, Thank you for the link. Our little ones are not allowed to touch "Ben" and the older ones know to wash their hands well right away after handling him. They have to clean his bowl outdoors too and not around anywhere anyone would be eating.
ReplyDelete:)
You have a beautiful family and are doing a great thing there in Mexico. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. It is so encouraging to read your blog. :)
ReplyDeleteGod Bless!
Jaynee, I have to admit that I lurk. I read your posts in google reader and comment rarely.
ReplyDeleteCurrently, my husband and I are praying about the direction of our family in regards to missions. Our hearts are so burdened for unreached people, in particular, children and orphans.
But, I've been lurking here for a while now. And, you've always been so authentic. Yet I've wondered if you ever were really homesick because you'd never mentioned it before.
What an encouragement that you DO feel that tug on your heart, yet you choose to live in obedience to God's calling on your family's life!
Thanks Jaynee for keepin' it real!
Happy Birthday Benjamin. How fun to have a turtle.
ReplyDeleteJaynee, You don't need to feel bad about missing your family. It is natural and God would be surprised if we didn't miss our extended family members. Men miss their families too, though some may not admit it. God knows our hearts and as you know, we can't hide what is inside of our heart even if we try and pass it off as a 'woman' thing. Some men don't like to see women get emotional, even if what is going on is valid, they don't like to see tears, or a sad face.
It is wonderful we have the Lord to go to to help us in those moments when we can't see our other family members right then. One of the things I do when I think of them is to pray for them, if possible, call them, or write them a letter.
Anonymous~ Thank you for your comment. :-) But please understand that Daniel too misses our family very much at times. He's just more resolute about things and not driven so much by his emotions like I can be. I was just imagining him smiling if he saw me laughing, crying, laughing, crying...I laugh at myself when I'm like that. I wasn't saying that in a negative way. He is always willing and ready to give me a big hug.
ReplyDeleteDaniel's shed tears too on many occasions; he's got a tender heart :).
Jaynee,
ReplyDeleteMy apology for coming on strong, especially toward Daniel. will you forgive me?
Happy Birthday Benjamin! My sister and I each got two of those turtles 6 years ago and I can say first hand that yes, they do grow very fast and will be nearly the size of pancakes! My parents had to build a pond in their backyard to accomedate them!
ReplyDeletePraying for you guys!
Oh, and I don't think they're banned in the US...they are sold at many major pet stores. The biggest problem with them is that oftentimes when they get big people can't care for them and release them in ponds/streams and then they out-compete native species. Anyway, many reptiles (any turtles I think) can carry salmonella; just wash your hands after holding the turtle and before eating. :)
ReplyDeleteAnonymous~ Of course! It's okay! I just didn't want anyone to misunderstand what I was saying. :-) Have a wonderful week!
ReplyDeleteFirst time visitor to your blog and have really enjoyed many of your posts and especially your page "Meet Our Family".
ReplyDeleteThis post hit more where I have been lately, especially when you said it sometimes feels like life back in America is moving on without you. Thank you for the encouragment.
hi dont forget your turtle needs heat light look up on line and it will tell ya onces they get BIG they need lots of attention my turtle was that small four years ago now he is bigger then my hand and loves his heating light and loves to eat and i have him train to follow my finger when its time to eat to end of the tank also they must be fed in the water not on dry land .
ReplyDeletehe is a cutie
in christ
juliet