Welcome! Nuestra Casa Es Su Casa ...Our house is your house

A glimpse into the life of Daniel and Jaynee Lockwood and their 12 precious blessings. Thank you for visiting; we pray that what we share here may always bring glory to our wonderful God and Saviour. May you praise the Lord with us for the great things He has done and continues to do as we serve Him sharing the gospel here in the little town of Cuidad Insurgentes, BCS Mexico. He alone is good and faithful!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

My Testimony

There is something that has been heavy on my heart all week that I want to share here tonight.  It is my testimony…how the Lord Jesus Christ found me and saved me.

I don’t remember a day in my life when I didn’t know who Jesus Christ was.  Just as a little child learns his letters, numbers and colors, I learned about God, what Jesus did on the cross, and that the Bible was true from my earliest days.  I don’t remember ever not knowing.

I remember being 6 years old and having been in Sunday School/church and then a Christian school, I heard the gospel shared every week.   One night, I sat thinking of what I had heard…that I was a sinner, the penalty for my sin was hell, Jesus died to pay for my sin, and I could go to heaven to be with Him someday if I just asked Him to save me.  So that night, I prayed and asked Jesus to forgive my sins and save me.

I’m sure I was sincere and I know I did not want to go to hell and I did believe in my head that Jesus had died for me, but it did not reach my heart. 
Romans 10:10- For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness

I was always what people would call a “good” girl.  My parents taught me to work hard, and I did.  I got very good grades, did my homework, did my chores, and stayed out of trouble.  I was active in church…Sunday school, Awanas, choirs, playing piano as needed.  Between Sunday School, Christian School, Awanas and the encouragement of my parents, I memorized hundreds of Bible verses.  I was taught to read my Bible every day and pray and most of the time I did.  As I got older, I went on short term mission trips and later went to work with a missionary during my college years.  I attended Bible College.

But I was lost.  While I thought I knew all about God and would easily tell you that I believed in Jesus, I did not know Jesus.  He did not know me.  He was not my Savior because I did not need Him.  And I didn’t know it.

From the outside, most anyone who knew me would say things such as, “Jaynee is such a good young lady…She serves the Lord…She loves the Lord…She has such a good, clean life.” And I would have agreed.  I thought I was good.  I thought I was serving the Lord.  I thought I loved the Lord. 

Man looketh on the outward appearance but the Lord looketh on the heart (I Sam. 16:7). 

Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!  For ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.  Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!  For ye are like unto whited sepulchers, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness. (Matthew 23:25 and 27)

Not everyone that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.  Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? And in thy name done many wonderful works?  And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you:  depart from me, ye that work iniquity.  (Matthew 7:21-23)

I do remember being in church and trying to feel close to God.  I thought  that I “was saved” and was taught not to rely on my feelings for the assurance of my salvation, but I would see people that seemed to have such a sweet close fellowship with the Lord.  I saw their eyes fill with tears as the gospel was told; I saw them kneel down in brokenness.  And I didn’t know what that was like.  I remember trying to cry because I felt that I should.  I remember trying to be very sorry over my sin, because I should.  But I didn’t really feel I was that bad.  Even when I did wrong things, I sort of pushed them out of my mind.  After all, they weren’t as bad as the things others had done.  Besides, overall, I always obeyed, was almost always good, and nobody is perfect.  I would just try harder. 

When I thought back over my life, when those foggy memories of dark times would pop up, I never dwelt on them…I didn’t like to think about them.  I was sorry I ever did them and usually it wasn’t really my fault anyways.  I had been pushed into doing something I didn’t want to do.  I had been provoked.  It wouldn’t have happened if the circumstances had been different.  I always did good.  It wasn’t in my nature to be mean or immoral or to deceive or to hate or hurt another.  I was good.  

I remember hearing testimonies when I was younger of those whom the Lord had saved.  They would share how lost they were…they would share how sinful their heart was…they would share how far they had gone from the Lord…and then when He found them and they came to Him, the amazing, undeserved, wonderful joy and grace that filled their hearts.  I actually thought to myself that it would be neat to have a testimony like that…to have needed the Lord that much.  Because I never had been that bad, so it wasn’t as special to me.  I often wondered what it would be like to have that much love for the Lord… 

And while I never knew it, He was still seeking me.  And He was going to give me that testimony that I had always longed for…
But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us. (Ephesians 2:4)   

I got married, I had children, and 8 years later, we came here to Mexico.  And here, out in the middle of the desert, away from all I had ever known, for the first time, I began to seek the Lord.

I came to realize how much I needed His provision, His protection, His help.  And He just wanted me to see how much I needed Him.  He wanted me to be His.  He wanted to save me. 

One day, I remember thinking and imagining, “What if I were to stand before God someday and He were to say to me that I was not His child…that He never knew me. And he was to condemn me to eternal punishment in the lake of fire.”  And as I thought of that, the first thing that came to my mind was, “That isn’t fair.  I’ve served you my whole life and I don’t deserve that.”  And as soon as I thought that, a fear came over me.  Did I really think that? 
But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away. (Isaiah 64:6)

For the first time in my life, those feelings and memories that I had pushed down so far, began to surface.  What I saw was so ugly and dirty!  I saw far past just the outward things I had done, but saw deeper and deeper into my heart…and it was so wicked.  My motives…so impure.  My thoughts…so selfish.  My heart…so proud. 
The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it. (Jeremiah 17:9)

I read God's Word as never before.  And while I found comfort therein, my heart was often pierced, for His Word is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. 

I went back and forth for months.  Some days I felt fine, and then some days, I couldn’t shake the burden…I would wake up in the night so scared that I was lost.  I wanted to do the right thing and tried all the harder.  But then, when what was in my heart would seep out, I felt so guilty.

I thought about my life.
The scribes and Pharisees were the “righteous”, “spiritual” leaders of their day. They knew the Scriptures more than anyone.  They "did everything right". 
I was a scribe/Pharisee/hypocrite!

My entire life, I just wanted to be loved and accepted.  But I felt my entire life that I had to do something to be loved.  I had to be perfect.  I had to do right. 

I lived my entire life wanting others to think good of me, to love me.  I lived my entire life to please man.

When I messed up, I felt unloved and felt like I had to do much to make up for it and to get back into good standing and to earn forgiveness and restored fellowship. 
And that is how I viewed the Lord.

The Lord is so faithful, so good, so long suffering, so gracious.  He never tires of calling us to Him.  He never tires of looking for those who are lost.  And so He sought me. 

One day, I wrote down a list of all those things in my past that weighed so heavily on my heart.  It wasn’t a huge list, but it was so daunting…a burden far to great to bear.  There were things written that even my husband did not know about.  And I knew that God knew.  And as I looked upon those things, I felt hopelessly and utterly lost. 

Shortly afterwards, I began to tell Daniel some of those things.  While he’s never given me any reason to think this, I wondered if he would even love me anymore.  I wondered what he would think.  I was so scared. 

And so I “tested” the water.  I told him a little.  And then more.  And then the tears flowed and through sobs, I told him all that was in my heart.  And he cried and held me and loved me.  And I told him all my doubts and fears and the struggle that I had had for so long.

And he told me words I will never forget.  I may not remember every word, but I remember most.

 Jaynee, the Lord loves you so much.  He loves you just like this.  Your dirty, broken, sinful heart…He still loves you.  You don’t have to be anything or do anything to make Him love you more.  You can’t.  He died for you just like you are. He stretched out His arms on that cross and they are there open waiting for you to come to Him.

Nobody had ever loved me like that. 

I fell down on my knees that day and told Jesus everything.  I pictured his arms open wide on that cross and I told Him I wanted to run into them.  By His great love and mercy, I wanted my sinful heart to be cleansed by His precious blood.  

And by faith, through His amazing mercy and grace, He saved me!  I felt so much love; I felt so clean and forgiven!  So much joy!  And then as I knelt down crying with a heart full of thanksgiving, my doubts and fears were gone…completely gone!  And I pictured Jesus in His glory with His arms stretched out to welcome me to His heavenly home someday.  Someday, I will run into the arms of my Savior!

I will never forget that day…Monday, June 21, 2010.  Three days before my 37th birthday.  He gave me the testimony I have always wanted!

Ever since that day, I have had joy that I can’t even describe!  While I have read and memorized so much Scripture in my life, it is as if I am reading it for the first time.  Everything is so rich, so precious, so deep.  So wonderful!  Wonderful words of life! 

Each time I sing, I either feel so joyful that I might burst, or I have to choke back the tears.  I have sung these songs hundreds of times before…but they are now mine!  They are now my songs for my Savior!

And my entire life, I have wanted to have a burden for the lost.  I have wanted to love the unlovable.  But as much as I tried, it was just that…my effort.  A lost, unloving girl trying to do what only Christ can do.  But now, it is as if I see everything anew…everyone with new eyes. 

I once was lost, but now I’m found, was blind, but now I see!
Amazing Grace!!

If any man be in Christ, He is a new creature (II Corinthians 5:17). 

Those very verses that convicted and condemned my soul, now  bring me the most wonderful joy!  I am a new creature in Jesus Christ!

This Sunday, 10-10-10, I shared my testimony with our church here and I, along with four others, was baptized in obedience to the One who saved me. 

The Good Shepherd found His lost lamb.  And the angels in heaven rejoice! 

 I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance. Luke 15:7


  1. Dear Jaynee,
    I don't think I've ever posted on your blog before, but I've been "following" it for the past couple of years. :) Thank you for posting your testimony! It brought tears to my eyes to see your heart opened for the Lord!

    I, too, knew the Lord for several years before I realized I was not truly believing on Jesus. What a sweet relief it was when the Lord opened my eyes and I believed!

    God is so good, isn't He? :)

    Again, thank you!

    Love in Christ,

  2. What a beautiful testimony! And surprising too as it was only a year or so ago...I would have never guessed!!!!Very surprised...butI know what you mean...it's easy to live a life that's good because it's the right thing to do and never really have light over the inner intents of the heart.
    Thank you for sharing jaynee!

    How is your health lately? Are you back to normal yet?

    Have a wonderful day!

  3. Jaynee, you are such a precious friend!! I love to come here and "visit" with you as you share your heart so beautifully.

    What a blessing the Lord loves us soo much.

    I still get caught up in trying to do "it" myself, in my own strength. Every year, the Lord reminds me more and more that HE is the one that DID, DOES and continues to DO it all for me.

    wrapping you in hugs~ Cinnamon

  4. Thank you for this sweet testimony. May His hand reach out to those hurting and unsure through your words and the sharing of your testimony.

    "They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony..." Amen and amen!!

  5. What a precious testimony to God's love, Jaynee. I have seen the change God made in you and it is beautiful to behold. True Godly joy is indescribable, but I see it in you. :)

  6. Thank you so much, Jaynee, for sharing this! It truly blessed my heart! What a precious testimony!

  7. Jaynee this is beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing. I know how spilling your heart openly can be difficult but through doing it you have blessed the lives of others.


  8. O Jaynee, i don't know you personally, but how my heart thrills for you!! I was raised in a christian home but only met Jesus 9 years ago and how wonderful it is!!! It simply gets sweeter and sweeter every day.....his love deeper....and my thankfulness towards my Savior ever grows. What a beautiful testimony!!! How good He is!!!

    Love, Darla (manyweavers.blogspot.com)

  9. In January of this year I poured my heart out to God and said "I have known you over 40 years but I don't think I have ever known what it was like to be head over heels in love with Jesus."
    What an awesome God we serve. He has knocked me over with love I never knew existed and my life is radically altered.
    Thanks for sharing your story.

  10. Please don't take offense to my comment/questions. "Momto9" mentioned that it was a "year or so" since your conversion, but you wrote that it was in June 2010--only four months ago, right?

    I am a bit confused. So, did you know that you weren't a believer, or did you think that you were? I have reread parts of the post, but am scratching my head. Don't get me wrong. I am happy that you have assurance that you are in Christ now, but if you knew that you weren't (because from your post, it appears that you DID realize it at some point), why, then, did you continue to write about God, and your experiences with His goodness? Don't get me wrong on that, either. I know that God is good to all that He has made, but you wrote as if you knew Him. Almost all of your posts (since I've reading, anyway, which is about three years or so) have extolled the character and grace of God. Were you just going through the motions? Did you really believe what you were writing?

    I don't want to cast aspersions, but I am nonplussed.


  11. Dear Cathy,
    The questions you have asked are ones that I have asked myself. And I will try my best to explain. You are right; it was just 4 months ago that I got on my knees, completely broken, and by faith asked Jesus Christ to save me.
    If I were to have looked back on my life even two years ago, I wouldn’t have seen things the same way as I do now. I never have not believed in Jesus Christ, that He died, rose again, is God, and is the Savior. I have always believed that the Bible is God’s Word and is true. But I think the best way to describe it is that it was more a head knowledge rather than one in my heart. The past couple years, the Lord has taken what I knew to be true and shown me how much I needed it. To give a simple analogy, it is like having a medicine that will cure cancer. You have studied this medicine, know it works, and with full confidence let others know that if they have cancer, this is the cure. Yet you are walking around filled with the disease yourself yet not realizing it.
    I did not know I was not saved. I didn’t know anything else than what I had been taught and had lived and I thought that I was saved. At times, I wondered if there was something more but because all I knew was the life I had lived, I wasn’t sure. I did have doubts…mostly since coming to the mission field; but I know that the devil brings doubts to our minds and I thought for a while that was all it was.
    All I know is what Jesus Christ has done in my heart. The Lord has been very real to me; He became more and more real and dear to me the past couple years as He continued to work in my heart and draw me to Him. I have always known how good and faithful He is. I loved His Word and to the saved or the unsaved, every word therein is true. And it ministered to my soul. And brought me to Christ.
    My heart was like the Pharisee who believed He was serving God, yet saw those around him and thought, “Thank you Lord that I am not as bad as that man.” And the Lord brought me to see my true state…that of the publican who smote his chest and said, “Be merciful to me, O God, for I am a sinner.”
    Does that make sense? It is hard to write into words. But I’m just so thankful for the Lord’s long suffering and patience. He is so faithful and so good!

  12. Thanks for your response.

    To reiterate, I'm happy that you know that Jesus is yours.

    As an aside, Satan loves to trip up God's children, so he plants doubts on a continuum. Praise God, though, there is NO (none!) condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)...that is our only hope, and on that we stand.

    May Jesus Christ be praised.


  13. Dear Jaynee
    I found your blog off a friend's blog this morning (no coincidence). I just cried reading this. Thank you,thank you, for sharing it. This was my husbands story..and lately I have been wondering if it is not mine.Raised a pastor's kid, mission trips, all the above you wrote about, thinking I was 'loving" Jesus, but I wasn't loving the REAL Jesus, the real, true God...because I had no clue about brokeness, repentance, humility...oh He has taught me and wooed me so much in these last months. I have wept and begged and pleaded with Him, as I have feared and doubted my own salvation. And yet He has changed my heart, He has broken me, He has brought me into such sweet fellowship with Him. I just honestly read this post and wept and praised Him. THANK YOu for sharing it. I truly believe, now, that I am saved, and yet, now, I do find at times that satan creeps in to attack me, because I don't have a specific date or time..I just know there has been a radical change in my heart, that I long for brokeness, repentance, daily. The Bible tells us to 'examine ourselves' to see if we are in the faith..and also to 'take every thought captive to make it obedient to Jesus Christ' right, and so that is where I am at..to drag every part into the light, His light, and at the same time resist the attacks from the devil to smoosh me. I am going to print your testimony out (f that's ok) and I'd love permission to share it with others. You can let me know if that is ok, I won't until you tell me. :) Darci
    mhovdestad at hotmail dot com

  14. "It is my testimony…how the Lord Jesus Christ found me and saved me."

    ps, this line just brought to mind my favorite song of lately (Red Mountain Church).
    "All my life long I had panted for a drink from some cool spring, That I hoped would quench the burning of the thirst I felt within.
    Hallelujah! He has found me! The One my soul so long has craved! Jesus satisfies all my longings-Thru His blood I now am saved.
    Feeding on the filth around me til my strength was almost gone. Longed my soul for something better only still to hunger on.
    Hallelujah He has found me! The One my soul so long has craved! Jesus satisfies all my longings-thru His blood I now am saved.
    Poor I was and sought for riches, something that would satisfy. But the dust I gathered round me only mocked my soul's sad cry.
    Hallelujah, He has found me! The One my soul so long has craved. Jesus satisfies all my longing-thru His blood I now am saved.
    Well of water, ever springing, Bread of Life so rich and free. Untold wealth that never faileth, my Redeemer is to me.
    Hallelujah, He has found me!the One my soul so long has craved. Jesus satisfies all my longings, thru His blood I now am saved.
    Thru His blood I now am saved.

  15. Glory, glory to the Lamb of God that was slain! Flood of joy or' my soul like a sea billows roll! I am SO THRILLED for you and with you. That new love and joy for Jesus is just a foretaste of glory devine. :)

    Love in Christ,


  16. WOW. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I often talk with my kids about the difference between knowing Jesus with your HEAD, and knowing Jesus with your HEART...or being filled with the Holy Spirit. Thank you for giving me a Godly true example to show them. Do you think it was possible you WERE saved, but became filled with the Holy Spirit in June?

  17. Dear Darci, Thank you for sharing. If the Lord can use my testimony to glorify Him and bless another, it would be the least I can do. Feel free to share it with others.

    Dear Anonymous,
    I truly believe that Jesus saved me the moment I called upon Him that day in June. He was calling me and bringing to that place for years. And I'm so thankful to Him!

  18. Jaynee~ Thank you for sharing your heart. It is a great testimony and I think so many will benefit from it!!! We are still praying for you and your sweet family. Take care over there in Mexico friend.


  19. Darci ~ I love that song - It is called "Satisfied" in our hymnbook =)

    Jaynee ~ How Good our God is!!! And how thankful you must be to have had that settled before the trials of the last couple months came along.

    ~ God bless you ~

  20. Dear Jaynee
    Reading your testimony this morning revealed to me that I had not truly opened my heart to God and I wanted to thank you for opening my eyes. I have since asked God to forgive me and to truly come into my heart. I feel like I am starting a new relationship with God.
    Thank you again and may God bless you and your family.

    Love Kelly

    Kelly in Australia

  21. I came across your blog, and very much enjoyed reading it and learning about your family. I hope that you are continuing to recover. We are a family of 15 (13 children) and I always enjoy reading about other large families. I also noticed that we have names that several of our children share. We have a Noah, a Daniel and Timothy, Elijah...and some of our middle names are names that have as well...Rebakah, Samuel and so on.
    God bless you!!!
    our blog is:

  22. I have been pondering your testimony all weekend. I am suspecting that there could be some wh are confused over this, or even discount it.

    It took much humility and love of Jesus fr you the "missionary" to admit and then confess that you needed t once and for all and for the first time with understanding bow yur knee. How many others in leadership that just will not bow because of embarrasment, fear f loss of income...

    Your testimony is actually not uncommon for those of us who were raised in the church. It is this type of testimony that caused me to wake up and reconsider children's ministry after many years of devoting my life to that purpose. We do children a GREAT disservice and even eternal damage when we with good intentions lead them t pray that prayer befre they can really grasp their sin and real need of a Savior.
    So many adults who do not KNOW Jesus think they are saved because somehwere back in Sunday Schol they prayed and were baptised. Many others struggle with assurance of ten because they know that they do not KNOW him.

    I am rejoicing with you - truely rejoicing.

    After years of "leading" literally hundreds of children to Christ with our own children we have decided against pushing them into an early childhood coversin. Rather, we are teaching them and training them up and building precept upn precept, and waiting for them to come to the realizatin of their own need.

    I hope that other "leaders" will read this testimony and also humble themselves and bow before God our Maker.

    One question: How have yur children responded to this news?
    A big hug dear sister!

  23. Hi Jaynee, hello from England. I have been reading your blog for a while. I am really pleased you have shared your testimony, it is similar to mine, having been truly saved only a few years ago. You know in your heart of hearts when it isn't real, no matter what others round you are telling you. We are told to "examine ourselves to see whether we are in the faith." 2 Cor 13:5
    Love Kirsty

  24. Jaynee, thank you for sharing. You don't know the good you've done for many of older children of God who have followed our Lord our whole lives but have doubts about who we really are in Christ. Sometimes I think of the vs, where he tells us to go away, that he does not know us and tremble.

    Can I ask you a question? Were you not baptized at some earlier point in your life? I ask for my own personal reasons, while trying to come to a biblical understanding, if it's OK to ever be rebaptized.

    Thank you again, for sharing so much of yourself with others and being an encouragement to me:-)

  25. Missionarymomma,
    I told my children my testimony in a short version a while ago and they were so happy. We too have always sought each day to point them to Christ; when they disobey or get angry or do things they shouldn't, we use that time to teach them how those are things that come from our heart and only God can clean our heart through what Jesus Christ did.
    After writing out my testimony here, I read it out loud to the children one evening. It was a sweet time of sharing.

    Dear Kathy,
    I was baptized as a young girl...I think I was about 9. But after coming to Christ as I did this year...completely broken, stripped of everything, and by faith, believing that by His mercy, he saved me, one of the first things I did was want to get baptized.
    Baptism is a step of obedience to our Lord after salvation. Since I came to know Christ after the time I was baptized as a girl, I knew I needed to be baptized as truly His child.

  26. oh jaynee I had chills! thank you so much for being open and sharing your beautiful testimony! I can identify so much as God has changed me completely since we've moved to Mexico!! Much love to you, sister!

  27. Jaynee, your story is almost exactly like my own, minus the husband and children. My day was August 11th. Praise the Lord that HE IS SUFFICIENT and there is absolutely NOTHING we can do to earn His wonderful gift of salvation! Oh, praise His name!

  28. Jaynee, I've been thinking about your beautiful testimony for several days. I heard so many of my own thoughts and feelings in your words. Right now, I know I'm in the beginnings of the 'head' knowledge of Christ, and I sooo sooo want to have HEART knowledge of Him.

    It is so encouraging that it's not all-or-nothing. I can grow and lean on and listen to the Lord and grow closer and closer to Him.

    Thank you for your testimony.


  29. What a beautiful testimony!!! Praise God for saving a wretch as us!!!


  30. So glad to hear how God is working in your life. I've read your blog for several years and admit that I am surprised by this as you've often encouraged others in the Lord and have shown over and over that you place your trust and your children/husband in His loving care? Again, I'm so glad that you know His love for you now. I've had similar experiences as His love and care becomes more real to me throughout cerain seasons in life, but I've been trusting that it's part of His care for me as His child and not a new rebirth. I'd love to hear your Pastor/husband's thoughts on this as well.

  31. Jaynee-

    I appreciate your transparency. It is wonderful to come to a saving knowledge of the Lord!! It is easy to get caught up in the Lord's work, without knowing the Lord of the work. Charo Washer, a missionary to Peru for many years, shares a similar story and I think you will be blessed and encouraged by her testimony. (She's the wife of the evangelist and teacher Paul Washer).

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAxeDX-GYHw (this is her testimony on youtube).

    In Christ,

  32. I have just read this, after seeing your facebook post yesterday. It is very troubling to me and I am still trying to process it. If you could be living the life you were living, giving the advice you were giving, sharing what you were sharing, all without being saved, but thinking you were . . . how can any of us know we are saved for sure?

    I have confidence that I am saved only by Christ's gift, that He loves me, and that I can do NOTHING apart from Him. All I do in the flesh will burn, even if it seems "good" to those around me. All I do in the Spirit will last for all eternity even if it seems "mundane" or even "wrong" to those around me. But, a year ago, perhaps you may have confessed that very same thing, and now you confess that you were not saved back then. So, perhaps I am deceived as well?

    In Luke 11, Jesus said, "Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he?"Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?"

    The Pharisees and Sadducees REJECTED Jesus. They trusted only in their works of the Law and animal sacrifices to save them. I do not think that is the same as believing Jesus but not yet fully understanding His grace (as if we ever could).

    Romans 14 talks about those with weak faith who still observe all manner of outward works. We each need to be fully convinced in our own minds and I am not to judge a brother or sister who is convinced that they must do, say, avoid, or eat certain things. But, I do not believe that is the same "outward works" as the Pharisees and Saducees trusted in.

    I am glad for the peace you now have, but I must admit that your testimony is causing much turmoil in my own mind as I wrestle with these truths and how to apply them.

    We love you Jaynee, and your family. I am praying for you all. But I really struggle with the thought that if you would have died during Samuel's birth and delivery, that you would be in Hell. I don't struggle because I think you earned heaven, but because you proclaimed, believed, trusted, and never rejected your Savior during that entire difficult time and because He is merciful and would never give you a scorpion if you asked for an egg. I guess that is why I am wrestling with your testimony.

    So, I ask you to pray for me and others like me who will read your testimony and go to God with a lot of difficult questions. Pray for wisdom and truth.


  33. Now is the Time to Pray, and Ask Almighty God to remove all of the Negative Attachments to your past, and move into your new Present, Because it's such a Gift to live with God, and be free Now! Isaiah 43:18 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Kind Regards,


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