When I posted on Monday, I thought that letting everyone know what had happened was simply the right thing to do. Looking in on someone's life through a blog or other media or trying to share your life with another this way can be hard. I have loved sharing what the Lord has done in our lives and love being able to encourage another.
It wasn't an easy thing to post Monday, and while I don't share every little detail of life here, I have always tried to share both the joys and trials....the good and the not so good. And so I share what has been the hardest trial yet.
I thought that after I shared, I would close this chapter of life via the blog. I would privatize the blog so I could someday print it up as a journal of our time here in Mexico, but didn't see the need to write further.
We have been so blessed by the outpouring of love, care, and prayer for our family. To truly experience God's grace in such a real way has touched our hearts in the midst of our pain and given us such hope.
The first few days after everything happened, I was in such a dark cloud. I remember standing in the kitchen, sobbing, and saying, "Lord, I don't know how to do this. I don't know what to think, what to do, what to feel, how we will make it. I just don't know how." I hadn't read a book on this. Nor would I have ever wanted to. I'd heard about this happening before, but I'd hear someone confessed, had to leave, and that was the end. I don't know what happens next.
Confession, repentance, brokenness, forgiveness, love, grace, growth....ashes to beauty. That is what I believe our Lord can do! I don't want Monday to be the end of our story. Yes, this chapter has come to a bleak end, but another chapter is about to be written.
Will you walk with us? I think the Lord may want me to share this journey. I don't know how often or how much. But while I don't know the way, don't know what lies ahead, and my heart is sometimes overwhelmed with so much, I know the ONE who is not only walking with me but is leading the way. I trust Him. I love Him. And I know He is here.
So many praying for us. Tear flow unceasingly as we hear from those who care.
Psalms 143. That is the Psalm the Lord gave me in my darkest night. I will share that with you soon.
I will walk with you! EVERY step of the way! I have followed your blog for a long time and have been so encouraged, strengthened, and helped. I always told my husband..."these are the true blue missionaries!" I always wanted to bring my kiddos on a missions trip and visit your work! I know I havent commented much but you are an inspiration! Praying for Gods grace as only HE can give! ♥
ReplyDeleteI definitely believe that this is not the end to your story! Praying for each of you as you take this new-for-you path! Not new for Him, though, for "He LEADeth me"
ReplyDeleteLove in Christ,
Steph
More people than you know or might imagine would be blessed through your continuing to be present online through this and in going forward into the new. God helping you, you can also help others find and see His strength in so many ways.
ReplyDeletePraying for you all. God works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him. I pray that gives you joy and hope during this trial as you rest in God's hands controlling all things for His children - especially the trials we don't understand and can't see through at the time. Thankful you will still share what God is doing in your life - you have encouraged me many times in the past!
ReplyDeleteWalking with you, dear friend. Upholding your family in prayer. I love you.
ReplyDeleteOf course I will walk with you!!! praying for you all.....the Lord promised he would not put more on us than we can bear.
ReplyDeleteTake care and look forward to hearing from you soon :)
Marie
Oh Jaynee, I'm so glad you posted that. To hear how you are is a blessing to me. I love what Psalm 143: 8 says:
ReplyDelete"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life."
Praying for you~ Cinnamon
Jaynee, I just saw these blog posts today. I can't imagine what you all are going through--the pain must be so deep! You are very much on my heart and you are in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteI've been a blog reader for several years now, but I have rarely commented. I love you and your family, and can relate to and learn from a lot of what you share (I have seven children, and the oldest just turned nine)! I have to say, I hope you do not close down your blog, because I feel like you are my friend, and I don't want to lose touch with you! If you do have to close it down, I understand, but could I have your email address? You have blessed me so much through the years!! No matter what the future holds, your ministry is NOT over. God can use your life mightily for him, even when your life could feel "ruined". Sometimes the most horrible trials bring such sweet spiritual blessings. I am struggling with a trial right now that I never thought I would go through (it is of a different nature), and I am desiring that I would trust the Lord's hand in all of this--He is completely able to work all of these things out for good (even when things sure don't seem good to us). I would love to hear how the Lord is comforting and blessing you, as you feel led to share. Prayers and hugs!
Katie Johnson
tomkatiej (at) gmail (dot) com
I'm so sorry. Praying for you and your family, Jaynee. May the Lord comfort you. Please continue to keep us updated.
ReplyDeleteI will never stop praying for you , Daniel and family whether you continue the blog or not . I hope you continue to show others the hope found in Jesus no matter what you face. Please tell you amazing family we are praying for them. Daniel included .love Catherine ( Australia)
ReplyDeleteIt would be lovely to keep hearing updates from you. I was so, so sad to read your last post. You and your family have been such an inspiration to me and an encouragement. I do find it so hard to understand though what has happened, it must have been a big thing for your sending church to take you off the mission field. I hope that Daniel has genuinely repented and its not just because what ever he had done had been found out. My heart breaks for you Jaynee, it must be such a difficult time and for your children. My heart also breaks for the Mexican people and the church that you have started. I hope that they find a good Pastor to lead them and comfort them at this time. They must be really hurting too. It seems like such a mess, but I really pray that God can turn it around and work all things for good. Sending lots of love and hugs from England xxx
ReplyDeleteJaynee, I too hurt for you and the children. Like Kirsty, I pray for true repentance on Daniel's part. Please don't forget - we will know them by their fruits. Forgive Daniel, but trust God. I pray God will give you wisdom, knowledge and discernment as you walk this unknown path. Sometimes the beauty that grows out of the ashes is not what we had expected, hoped or prayed for. Please be open to where and how God is leading you and your children, not where and how any one of us would like you to go. Get into God's Word and hold on tight. Yes, this all comes from the voice of experience. And, yes, I am a Bible-believing, Follower of Christ.
DeleteI forgot to add that forgiving Daniel doesn't mean that what he did goes away. It doesn't. Forgiving him also does not mean giving him another chance. It doesn't. I hope you move slowly and cautiously. Don't rush into allowing him to let this all go away. Wait on God and His prompting, not Daniel's. You are a sweet, gentle, intelligent person. Please don't think you are anything less than that or that you deserve any of this or caused any of it. No matter what you might have done or said. You aren't to blame. Daniel is the one who chose to sin, not you. Please be kind to yourself.
DeleteJaynee, For several years (since we were first at Redding) I've been following your blog. The last post moved me to tears. I've been praying for you and yours.
ReplyDeleteA Fellow Missionary Wife
Jaynee,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. Praying that you and your family will receive what you need - courage, healing, and in time and by God's grace a measure of trust and peace. If the Lord leads you to continue blogging, no doubt it will serve as a healing balm to many others.
We would absolutely love to walk with you, support you in prayer and feel honored and blessed to be able to love on you all through the Lord's blessings and grace. Abide in Him, my friend. Take it slow and follow His lead. You and your whole family are dearly loved!!!
ReplyDeleteWe will be walking beside you. God is never surprised by the happenings in our life. He has never left His spot on the throne He asks that we TRUST Him, that we continue on through life KNOWING fully that we will continue to fail over and over again. We are humans and without GRACE it would be impossible. We are STILL praying that God will guide you all as you step into an unwritten chapter of your lives. Thank you for sharing your heart here on the blog. Being REAL in the blogging really matters. We never know what part of our life God may use to bring others to Himself. Sometimes it is the cold hard stuff of life that make others see that we stayed REAL even in the storms of life. Take care my friend! We are walking with you!
ReplyDeleteWalking with you. Only God can turn ashes to beauty ...
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family as you walk through this season. May the God of all comfort, wisdom and mercy guide you as you travel this journey.
ReplyDeleteYes, Jaynee, yes! We will walk with you. This is NOT the end. Since hearing from you at the beginning of the week, as I've processed this in my heart and mind, the Bible keeps speaking clearly to me about new beginnings, restoration, hope….Dan shared with our Wednesday pastor last night, privately, what you told us, and the pastor said he would be praying for you! He had just spoken on the story of John Mark, leading us through the small trail of passages referring to that man, how for some unknown reason there was a dissension, but most importantly, that Paul and John Mark ultimately relinquished themselves to the Spirit's leading and were restored to one another and were used greatly by God. Afterward when we were talking, he stressed that yes, church discipline is important, but churches need to work THROUGH trials and aim for restoration. I found this so refreshing, hopeful, and helpful. We continue to love you and pray for you.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteOh my heart hurts with you- I am praying for you, sweet friends.
ReplyDeleteAs someone else said...of course, I will walk with you! I'm so proud of you, baring your heart as you have done. God alone is enabling you to do so. "...all things work together for good, when God's love is understood..."
ReplyDeleteI'm your sister, and I'm here for you always. Love you and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy you're keeping the blog open so we can stay connected with you! Please know that we're still praying for ya'll and will continue to do so.
ReplyDeleteI have been following your blog and sending Christmas boxes for years. Reading about your family, your struggles, your happy times and your mission was a blessing in my life. If you are able to update once in a while after you make more decisions about your move, I would love to send a care package, grocery gift certificate or anything else you will need as you begin anew.
ReplyDeleteI think I am a part of your army God led me to your blog this week for the first time and was compelled to pray and I will continue. He is faithful!!
ReplyDeleteDiane
Yes, please, I would love to walk with you. I myself have often been discouraged with these kinds of happenings in the church and am currently pondering , what should happen next when a leader confesses a moral sin. May God move within your family to. Bring true repentance and give strength to the faltering.
ReplyDeleteHannah in MD
I commented in your last post, but I feel like expanding my thoughts on this post as well. I too have followed your beautiful ministry for years, and would love to see this blog continue. This is not a period...it is a comma. "But God", starts the next chapter of your journey together. Ephesians 2:4-7 "But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, 5 Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) 6 And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: 7 That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus." Jaynee, prepare for an outpouring of God's grace to show forth from you and to you...God's kindness, and love will be full and overflowing. As Luke 7:47 implies, to whom much is forgiven, the same loveth much....Jaynee, as you and your children embrace, love, and pour out forgiveness to Daniel, prepare to see him filled to overflowing with a love you have never known. Beauty from ashes indeed. Still in my heart and prayers dear one. We taste your tears now, and we will rejoice (with joy unspeakable and full of glory) with you all as your journey continues to unfold in the grace and mercy of our Lord.
ReplyDeleteI will walk with you because I have walked a hard road myself. After my 3rd child was born (14 years ago) my husband confessed to struggling with a besetting sin. I have had people walk that road with me. I have read your blog for years. I will be praying for you, your husband and your children.
ReplyDeleteI will continue to walk this road with you. I have read this blog for years. I will pray for you because I too have walked a hard road for many years. Praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteOh Jaynee, how could you be so encouraging to me during your darkest hour? You are such a precious example of charity. I am thinking of you much and love you dearly.....yes, I will walk with you and uphold you in prayer. You are LOVED by so many and especially the Lord. Lift your eyes up, He is there. Love you!!!!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Jessica Argon
I too will walk with you and your family, as you continue to live Gods' plan. May you be uplifted by our support
ReplyDeleteas you walk through the door of your new life.
Anne
I will walk with you and pray for your family. His grace is so good and He will lead you through this trial. We as humans sometimes sin, God forgives our sins when we ask for forgiveness but OH, it is so much harder to forgive each other's sins as humans.
ReplyDeleteMay God heal and restore you. Praying.....
ReplyDeleteTo God be the glory for all He's going to do for your family.
ReplyDeleteContinued prayer for all of you.
Always. You are brave and a faithful steward of God's love, Jaynee. Praying for you, Daniel and your entire family. After reading Monday's post, my heart has been heavy, feeling your burden and pain. Continuing your blog will be a blessing -- as I believe you are correct. "It" happens to many, but then silence endures. Sharing your trials and and your joys will be a way to share to many... Love to you all, with continued prayer, Dianne
ReplyDeleteOh how my heart hurts because your heart hurts! I have read your blog since the beginning, and I will continue to walk with you through your next chapter in life!!! Love to you all!
ReplyDelete"Comfort those who mourn", "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins", and "There is therefore no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus" come to mind...praying for you all as you grieve and eventually heal. And appreciate your blog and testimony whether you close your blog or update us all from time to time...
ReplyDeleteThank you for allowing us to continue to walk this road with you.
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers to you all. xx
Praying for you and your sweet family here in Los Angeles. I've been reading for years but not the best at commenting. I pray for healing and restoration for everyone. I hope that you have peace and strength during this difficult time of adjustments and changes. I pray for healing for everyone involved--including your church family.
ReplyDelete~Emily (pastor's wife--Los Angeles)
Dear sis, I will walk with you, too. I have been blessed by your blog for a long time. I look forward to your posts, whether it is about homeschooling, church ministry, ESP with the women you minister with, or your family times, homemaking (your home is lovely, orderly, and inspiring) or your personal relationship with Jesus! I have been praying for you fervently this week. My heart breaks for you, wife to wife, mom to mom, Jesus follower to Jesus follower. Thank you for sharing your Scripture passage with us and your heart. You are a precious blessing, Jaynee. I will keep praying for your precious family and I'm looking forward to watching The Lord do sweet and mighty things through you! You, dear friend, are a treasure! Your children will be blessed beyond measure as they walk this rugged road by their sweet godly Momma's side. Love, Melissa Scott II Cor 9:8; Is 26:3
ReplyDeleteDear sis, I will walk with you, too. I have been blessed by your blog for a long time. I look forward to your posts, whether it is about homeschooling, church ministry, ESP with the women you minister with, or your family times, homemaking (your home is lovely, orderly, and inspiring) or your personal relationship with Jesus! I have been praying for you fervently this week. My heart breaks for you, wife to wife, mom to mom, Jesus follower to Jesus follower. Thank you for sharing your Scripture passage with us and your heart. You are a precious blessing, Jaynee. I will keep praying for your precious family and I'm looking forward to watching The Lord do sweet and mighty things through you! You, dear friend, are a treasure! Your children will be blessed beyond measure as they walk this rugged road by their sweet godly Momma's side. Love, Melissa Scott II Cor 9:8; Is 26:3
ReplyDeleteMy daily walk with the Lord is a struggle to me, reading your blog always gave me great encouragement. No matter how you choose, keeping the blog open or to close it, I just want you to know that we keep you in our prayers and thinking about you often. Even now in you time of sorrow and adjustment you are a true woman of God and thinking about reaching out to others, your ministry has not come to an stop, he just now gave you a different Mission field. I know the Lord will walk with you all the way and lead you where he wants you to go.
ReplyDeleteI will walk with you. Your family is in our prayers. God leads you all the way. Praise Him in the midst of your tears and let no bitterness take root. Love you sister!
ReplyDeleteI will walk with you. You have always been such an encouragement to me all these years and even in this, your darkest hour, you encourage still. It has been a joy to get to know you and your family through the blog. May God give you and yours an abundance of grace an strength. '' And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God ". Hold on to this promise of God. His never fails. Your in my thoughts and prayers, always. Love you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I have been reading your blog for several years.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Remember joy will come in the morning! sending you lots of prayers during this difficult time!!
ReplyDeleteI will walk with you. And if you choose to keep a public blog I will keep reading it-- even it if it updated twice a year. I found your blog from you commenting frequently on another blog I read. That was before I had any kids. I now have a 5, 4, 1 yr old and we are in our first year of homeschooling. I have gleaned so much from you on how to handle having many littles in the house. In this time of uncertainty remember sometimes God gives us our daily bread and nothing more.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Renee. "Sometimes God gives us our daily bread and nothing more"....I needed to hear that. :)
DeleteWalking with you Jaynee and praying for you all often. ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteRenata
Prayers for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteWalking with a heavy heart for you...
ReplyDeletePraying along.
I have been following your blog for at least 6 years.
Looking forward to read about psalm 13.
I needed it too...
Jaynee, there are others who have been through this and come out the otherside. My sister-in-law is one of them. She was a missionary in the Solomon Islands. I think you would find her blog encouraging. She tells her story there. kaybruner.com Will be praying for you in the days ahead.
ReplyDeleteDear Jaynee,
ReplyDeleteI will also be a faithful blog-follower regardless of circumstances. I pray that with time, wounds can heal. That your husband can/will show true repentance and be given true forgiveness. The hardest part of being hurt, broken-hearted and down-trodden is to be able to forgive, no matter what. Forgiveness will heal! I don't know what has happened but our God does and He does care and He does forgive. Just keep going, day by day, in God's grace and mercy. Praying for your family. God bless and lead you.
Damara
Dear Jaynee, Without even being aware, you have walked with me just by having this blog, being such a shining example of a Proverbs 31 woman--thank you! I am honored to pray and walk with you and your family. As a wife, it has been a decade since I myself have encountered something, I believe,on the same spectrum and know that God is faithful and heals broken hearts and mends relationships... and through the process He draws you to Himself in a deeper way. My husband and I will be celebrating our 27th anniversary this year, all because of the merciful kindness and goodness of the Lord. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily...
ReplyDeleteOh, Jaynee, you were a comfort to me in my time of greatest need several weeks ago. Your comment was like a balm to my aching heart. I just came over here to your blog from Amy's blog, and found your last posts, and how my heart breaks for you and your family. I will definitely be praying for you, dear sister. Amazing how I can say I love you having never met you, but I do. The verses that have been the greatest blessing to my heart this month have been Psalm 37:23-24. That delighting part is SO hard, but our Lord will not let you be utterly cast down, for He upholds you with His big and strong and mighty hand, the one that holds all of the oceans in it. Isaiah 40:12
ReplyDeleteI will walk with you. Would love to hear updates however often you are comfortable with. Please just don't leave us wondering what has happened to the family forever. Looking forward to seeing what God does..............
ReplyDeleteJaynes, for some reason your updates haven't been coming through to my email, so I didn't see your last post until today when I saw them both. Just wanted to chime in with how much we appreciate your blog & family, and your honest loving heart. Please do continue to update the blog. None of us are perfect, so who are we to cast stones?! Praying for you all!!
ReplyDeleteHannah
Jaynee,
ReplyDeleteI have followed you for many years... checked into your blog so often in the past, but only occassionally nowadays... only because Im a busy mom and cant be in front of the computer checking every fun and inspiring blog out. Out of the blue, I wake up in the middle of night and go online for a bit. God placed on my heart to go to your blog... havent checked on you since last year. Now I know why....so saddened for the trial you and your family face...and I will keep you all tucked in our prayers. Just a few weeks ago a dear sister from our church has returned from mission work in Haiti due to sin. We felt so sad for her, yet she was so broken and ashamed for the sin she committed. She is slowly healing.... and years ago a cousin of ours went to Guanemala and came back home due to sin. Satan pushes so hard to stop the gospel. So sad. Hang in there Jaynee... we love you and your family. I love how God moves us to pray for others. I feel I needed to share, because God knows when a friend can encourage another. I want to be that friend today that encourages. Keep trusting....and bless you for sharing the trials, no matter how hard. Still believing beauty comes from ashes!!! Prayerfully, Heidi C.
Praying. Lovingly, Misty Brown
ReplyDeletePraying for your family.
ReplyDeleteDear Jaynee...love you and your family. Praying for you all during this time.
ReplyDelete