Hurt, Broken, and Healed

This may be a somewhat lengthy post. I often think during the week of things to share with you all. I don't know who all reads here but only want to bring glory to our wonderful Lord.
This week, many of the children have been sick. We have 2 different "bugs" going around...a flu like illness (high fever, head ache, cough, body ache) and a stomach bug. I love all the extra snuggles/cuddles I get when they children feel so weak. They just look so sweet and needy. Of course, those that have had the stomach bug have often covered my clothes or bed with what I'm sure you can imagine. It was so strange and quiet only having 7 of us at the table for breakfast the other day.
Little Samuel woke up sick today. Our almost 8 month old baby has officially outgrown most of his 0-3 month clothes and is weighing in at 12 1/2 lbs! He's over tripled his birth weight!

I'm still battling with a kidney infection. Tuesday I hurt so bad it was difficult to walk as every step sent a stabbing pain to the lower right side of my back. Wednesday and Thursday were better, but last night, I was shivering and aching so badly that I couldn't sleep. Daniel got me some cold water and tylanol and once it "kicked in" I slept great and woke up feeling better.
Although my body has been hurting, the past few months I've had a hurting heart too. But yesterday and today, I've just wanted to sing for yesterday the Lord gave me so much peace, joy and a blessed assurance over something that I had been battling with for weeks.
Since coming to the mission field, we have learned what it is to give up all for the sake of Jesus Christ. Thankfully, the Lord has not asked us to give up everything at once. As the old saying goes, I am learning to hold all I have with an open hand rather than a closed fist as it hurts much less when the Lord wants to take it from me.
When I first got to the field, I had so many "romantic" ideas of missionary life. Even though I had read many missionary biographies, I truly did not understand. I have re-read many of those same books now and how many of their words could be my own.
I know I haven't blogged as much this year as I have in the past. In part, we've had a busy year, and I try to carefully guard the time I spend at the computer. But the other part is that I blog about what the Lord is doing in our life and ministry here and this year has has been filled with many tears, doubts, fears, and struggles.
I have had so many days feeling so very broken. Something very dear to me had been taken from me and I felt so misjugded, misunderstood, and hurt.
God is not the author of confusion (I Cor. 14:33) but of peace but I was so confused and had no peace. My pillow was wet with tears and so many hours of the nights were spent praying to the Lord to answer.
How I wanted Him to answer and help! It seemed to take so long. But know God does not ignore our cries; He does not want us to suffer. He allowed my heart to sorrow for He had so much to teach me still.
On the field we have learned to give up houses, lands, possessions and know the Lord would take care of us. We have understood lonliness and gone through many trials. And again, God was teaching me more...lovingly allowing me to suffer rejection and learn forgiveness and brokenness.
In trying to work things out in following the Lord and my husband, verses were given me by others to convice me that what I was doing was wrong.
Satan knows God's Word. He used it when he tempt Eve; He used it to tempt Christ. But He never uses it correctly. How important it is for us as women to be under our husbands!
I had a battle inside me. Will I give up what I want? Will I rest in knowing that I am accepted in Christ and be pleased to be counted worthy of Him no matter what others may think?
Faith is not by sight. We don't always understand and often the way just doesn't seem possible, but the peace that comes from trusting God and His Word knowing He never fails!
The longer I am here, the more I long to be used by the Lord. And the more I see how I'm only able to be used as much as I am empty of self. I want to be able to share Christ with the hurting, broken, lost around me and not just give them the "right answer" but to KNOW the One who heals...to know what it is like to have a broken heart and have the Great Physician heal it!
And the harder the road gets, the more we have seen the Lord work. The more I submit to my husband and trust him as the Lord desires, the more He is used! May I never be a hinderance to the Lord using Daniel.
Tuesday, out in the village, the men got angry. Carlos said he thought that they were going to get stoned. One of the men said he could not understand why Daniel had not been run out yet. He's been going out there for over a year and not one has believed. But two are so close. Please pray!
Our church here offers one thing...to know and be reconciled to God through His Word, the Lord Jesus Christ. We are simple, preach the simple wonderful gospel, sing simple hymns of praise, and have simple classes for the children. So many are coming that we often have no room to put them. So many needs, so many hurts, and so many coming to know the One who heals and satisfies all.
How good is our Lord! How much He cares. The longer we've been here, the harder it has been, the more I know God and His great love. He's taught me so much and the more I learn, the more I see how very little I know and the more I am amazed at how much He loves me and how good He is.
Thank you for praying for us; may the Lord Jesus Christ be known!