Welcome! Nuestra Casa Es Su Casa ...Our house is your house

A glimpse into the life of Daniel and Jaynee Lockwood and their 12 precious blessings. Thank you for visiting; we pray that what we share here may always bring glory to our wonderful God and Saviour. May you praise the Lord with us for the great things He has done and continues to do as we serve Him sharing the gospel here in the little town of Cuidad Insurgentes, BCS Mexico. He alone is good and faithful!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Hurt, Broken, and Healed

This may be a somewhat lengthy post. I often think during the week of things to share with you all. I don't know who all reads here but only want to bring glory to our wonderful Lord.
This week, many of the children have been sick. We have 2 different "bugs" going around...a flu like illness (high fever, head ache, cough, body ache) and a stomach bug. I love all the extra snuggles/cuddles I get when they children feel so weak. They just look so sweet and needy. Of course, those that have had the stomach bug have often covered my clothes or bed with what I'm sure you can imagine. It was so strange and quiet only having 7 of us at the table for breakfast the other day.
Little Samuel woke up sick today. Our almost 8 month old baby has officially outgrown most of his 0-3 month clothes and is weighing in at 12 1/2 lbs! He's over tripled his birth weight!

I'm still battling with a kidney infection. Tuesday I hurt so bad it was difficult to walk as every step sent a stabbing pain to the lower right side of my back. Wednesday and Thursday were better, but last night, I was shivering and aching so badly that I couldn't sleep. Daniel got me some cold water and tylanol and once it "kicked in" I slept great and woke up feeling better.
Although my body has been hurting, the past few months I've had a hurting heart too. But yesterday and today, I've just wanted to sing for yesterday the Lord gave me so much peace, joy and a blessed assurance over something that I had been battling with for weeks.
Since coming to the mission field, we have learned what it is to give up all for the sake of Jesus Christ. Thankfully, the Lord has not asked us to give up everything at once. As the old saying goes, I am learning to hold all I have with an open hand rather than a closed fist as it hurts much less when the Lord wants to take it from me.
When I first got to the field, I had so many "romantic" ideas of missionary life. Even though I had read many missionary biographies, I truly did not understand. I have re-read many of those same books now and how many of their words could be my own.
I know I haven't blogged as much this year as I have in the past. In part, we've had a busy year, and I try to carefully guard the time I spend at the computer. But the other part is that I blog about what the Lord is doing in our life and ministry here and this year has has been filled with many tears, doubts, fears, and struggles.
I have had so many days feeling so very broken. Something very dear to me had been taken from me and I felt so misjugded, misunderstood, and hurt.
God is not the author of confusion (I Cor. 14:33) but of peace but I was so confused and had no peace. My pillow was wet with tears and so many hours of the nights were spent praying to the Lord to answer.
How I wanted Him to answer and help! It seemed to take so long. But know God does not ignore our cries; He does not want us to suffer. He allowed my heart to sorrow for He had so much to teach me still.
On the field we have learned to give up houses, lands, possessions and know the Lord would take care of us. We have understood lonliness and gone through many trials. And again, God was teaching me more...lovingly allowing me to suffer rejection and learn forgiveness and brokenness.
In trying to work things out in following the Lord and my husband, verses were given me by others to convice me that what I was doing was wrong.
Satan knows God's Word. He used it when he tempt Eve; He used it to tempt Christ. But He never uses it correctly. How important it is for us as women to be under our husbands!
I had a battle inside me. Will I give up what I want? Will I rest in knowing that I am accepted in Christ and be pleased to be counted worthy of Him no matter what others may think?
Faith is not by sight. We don't always understand and often the way just doesn't seem possible, but the peace that comes from trusting God and His Word knowing He never fails!
The longer I am here, the more I long to be used by the Lord. And the more I see how I'm only able to be used as much as I am empty of self. I want to be able to share Christ with the hurting, broken, lost around me and not just give them the "right answer" but to KNOW the One who heals...to know what it is like to have a broken heart and have the Great Physician heal it!
And the harder the road gets, the more we have seen the Lord work. The more I submit to my husband and trust him as the Lord desires, the more He is used! May I never be a hinderance to the Lord using Daniel.
Tuesday, out in the village, the men got angry. Carlos said he thought that they were going to get stoned. One of the men said he could not understand why Daniel had not been run out yet. He's been going out there for over a year and not one has believed. But two are so close. Please pray!
Our church here offers one thing...to know and be reconciled to God through His Word, the Lord Jesus Christ. We are simple, preach the simple wonderful gospel, sing simple hymns of praise, and have simple classes for the children. So many are coming that we often have no room to put them. So many needs, so many hurts, and so many coming to know the One who heals and satisfies all.
How good is our Lord! How much He cares. The longer we've been here, the harder it has been, the more I know God and His great love. He's taught me so much and the more I learn, the more I see how very little I know and the more I am amazed at how much He loves me and how good He is.
Thank you for praying for us; may the Lord Jesus Christ be known!


  1. Jaynee,
    Just wanted you to know that I check your blog almost every day for updates, and am encouraged and inspired by your life and example. My children love looking at your pictures and posts! I am sorry the past year has been so difficult for your family. We are praying for you!
    Helpmeet to One, Momma to Four

  2. Dear Jaynee: Thank you so much for your heartfelt sharing about your faith and life. Yes others read your writing and please know that it is being used by God to work in the lives of your readers. I am one such reader who is both encouraged and convicted to grown in my faith by your open and honest sharing of your life and walk with our Savior. Thank you and know that you are being upheld in prayer in Canada.

  3. Mrs. Lockwood,

    You truly are a testimony for how God has used you and your family! It is an encouragement to see your sacrifice. Thank you for sharing with us.

    Anna M.

  4. Many hugs, many prayers for you from us!
    I am sorry to hear that so many in your family (including you!) have been physically ill.
    And especially sorry that you have dealt with so much heartache. I am glad that you are allowing God to teach you through it, and praising Him for all He has done and will do.
    Him receiving glory really is one of the best things that can come of our little human lives, isn't it?

    Thanks for posting. We will continue praying.

  5. Thank you for sharing your heart. It has ministered to me...you are in my prayers.

  6. Hope everyone gets better soon. It's tough with so many sick little ones. Ours came last week and we had 5 of ours down with it. Still 6 more people to go in our house but hoping it won't settle itself in again. Amazing how some are affected and others are not.

  7. Dearest Jaynee, I can relate so well to where you are. God has been working in my heart as well to see the hurting around me and share the love of Jesus with them.
    I understand your lonlieness, too, and love the fact that we One to go to in our deepest times of need because He knows all about our sorrows!! May the peace and healing of Jesus be yours in the coming days. Heal this precious family quickly, dear Lord! Your ministry and life are an inspiration for this missionary family, relocated to Florida from Oregon, called to help the orphans and hurting around the world.
    Trusting Jesus every day!!!
    Love, Pamela

  8. We are praying for you! Praying for healing for your body and the whole family! I read your blog always and watch for updates! May God encourage your heart today!

  9. Dear Jaynee

    Thanks for opening your heart to us
    You are such a woman of God and a true inspiration to me and many others

    I am sorry it has been hard for your family...I am praying for your beautiful family...

    God Bless


  10. My sweet Jaynee,
    I have not written lately, but I have kept up with your blog. My sister-in-Christ you are such an inspiration to me. These last few months have been topsy turvy for you and your family. My family has been praying for you. Please know that even when you feel alone, there are those of us who bring your name before the wonderful throne of our precious Saviour. I know sometimes it is hard to remember that others remember you and think about you, but we do. I appreciate how transparent you are with your spiritual walk. I am like you in the fact that I have been told by many ladies that they wish they were "real" like I was. I can't help but think that I am having a problem, others might be too. Ofcourse it gets me in trouble sometimes too! :) I will pray you get the victory. Remember we have read the Bible and we know what happens to that wicked devil. Praise the Lord! :) I hope we all get to have a front row seat on that day!
    You are a kindred spirit and my heart is knitted to you! Much love! Jackie Monnin, Spanaway,WA

  11. Hi Jaynee
    Thanks for sharing from your heart. I check your blog every day, and Im so excited when I see that you have a new post. I find your blog to be a place of comfort, a great place to start the day.
    I pray you all feel better soon. Its hard to take care of a family when the mama is down.
    I pray for your husband the work that he does with your church. May God bless you all and keep you safe.

  12. So sorry that you guys have been feeling so bad lately. Praying that everyone gets to feeling better! Yeah for Samuel tripling his birth weight!!! So sorry for the emotional hurting you are experiencing. Praying for you in that manner as well.

  13. I also check your blog daily for new entries. You are such an encouragement to me...even in the hard times, God uses what you are going through to teach me. Thank you for being so open and allowing God to use you. Know I am praying for you!

  14. So, sorry to hear you have a kidney infection. I had one after our last miscarriage. My oh my! I still remember how painful it was and trying to take care of of the family. We will be praying for you and your health. I am so blessed by your blog. Our whole family is blessed. I shared the video clip of the children singing this morning with them. We are hoping to send some boxes to you. We too have gone through some very difficult seasons . I have at times wished for a timeout button and yet know that is not his will for us because it does not perfect us. Thank you for sharing .

  15. Lovely Family~ I check in everyday from San Diego and look forward to inspiring updates and fun, beautiful family pictures. Sharing your true, real life stories and experiences are one of the best ways to bring glory to our wonderful Lord! Please keep sharing....and PLEASE keep posting pics....they are so much fun!!

  16. I want to thank you for such a comforting and uplifting blog. I so look forward to checking your blog and seeing updates. Your words and devotion to God and your family inspire me daily. You and your family are in my daily prayers. Our Heavenly Father has special angels watching over you.

    Angela :)

  17. Thank you, thank you, thank you! The Lord ALWAYS provides encouragement, counsel, guidance, etc. at just the right time. Perfect post!

  18. Dear Mrs. Lockwood,

    I love, Love, LOVE your blog! Thank you for sharing from your heart. You have encouraged me today...and each time I read your blog (usually daily!) I feel lifted up!

    You are a blessing, inspiration and a true woman of GOD!!

    Many blessings to you and your gorgeos family,

    -in Canada

    ~sis to seven~

  19. Thanks for pointing me back to God. I'm in the "missionary candidate process", and was angry-upset about something today, but your post encouraged me to look back to God. Thanks


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