Do I believe?

How often do I believe I will receive that for which I pray? Is it merely the words which one prays that moves the hand of God or the simple child like faith from which those words flow?

I'm afraid for much of my life, I have prayed not really expecting an answer. I know this because I think of how often I have been surprised when that prayer is answered.

I know often I have prayed because it was the right thing to do. Often I have prayed for somebody asking the Lord to save them or change them but while I would have never outright said it, I didn't really think it would happen. That person was about beyond all help in my mind...too hard hearted, too stubborn, too set in their ways, etc... How quick I can be to limit in my mind what the Lord can and wants to do! And how sad to think that it would be any harder for Him to work in one person's heart than it was/is for Him to work in my own!

What has drawn me to my knees more in my life than anything else is when I am going through a trial. I have been so very convicted the past several weeks about how often I neglect the Lord. How often I go about my day or my plans without being in constant communion with Him. I asked the Lord to show me how much I need Him. And I meant it. And He has gently been answering.

Do you know how He answered? I have felt more insecure in myself than ever before! What I mean by that is that each day, I began to see more and more how futile everything "I am" or "I do" or "I think" really is. I can be so proud!
How much I need Him to direct each step of my days! How much I need His strength, grace, and love. My strength is so weak; my love falls so short. When I am trusting in the Lord with all my heart and not leaning unto my own understanding; when I am acknowledging Him in all my ways allowing Him to direct my paths, then I can be assured that my labor is not in vain in the Lord!
What are those things that are most important to me?
* That my children would realize the condition of their sinful hearts, see the amazing love and mercy of a God who gave Himself for them, accept Him as their Savior and Lord, walk in obedience to Him, and grow in their love for Him and others.
* That the Lord will use my husband to preach His Word. That the Lord will give him all the wisdom, strength, courage, and guidance he needs each day. That he will be used in whatever time he has here on earth to bring to others the gospel.
* That the people here in our town will come to Christ and grow in their faith, knowledge and love of Him; that they will themselves reach to all those around them.
*And oh how many things I desire in my life- patience, love, meek and quiet spirit, wisdom, humility...so many things that only HE can work in me!

All these things...I can do none of them. It is only Jesus Christ! And how I am finding myself leaning on Him, cleaving to Him, and going to Him more and more.

And I am beginning to pray believing and knowing that He will do what I ask. When I feel angry and I know I should show love...but all I want to do is get away or say something I know I shouldn't...I pray, "Lord, I am angry. I know it is wrong. I am sorry. Please change my heart. Help me to love this person as you love them...as you love me. Help me to think of ways to bless them." And while it does not usually happen instantly, I find that my heart does change! And it's not something that could have possibly ever come from me nor was it a change at all in the circumstances...it was the Lord's work!

Oh, He is so wonderful, so faithful, so just, and so true.

Yesterday afternoon, Abigail didn't know what to do, so I asked her if she wanted to help me make a dessert for supper. We settled on a cake and while we were mixing it up, the thought popped into my head to divide it between two smaller pans and take one to Brother Juan and his family. So I told the children we would all have just a tiny piece of dessert and give a cake to Brother Juan too. The children readily agreed...except for Noah...but he got out-voted :).
So after the children were asleep and the older boys were playing a game, Daniel and I took baby Samuel and went over to Juan's house to visit for a bit. When we got there, Juan's brother, Juaquin was there. Juaquin also goes to our church and was saved/baptized this year and has been so very faithful and excited about what the Lord has done in his life.
We asked Juaquin why he was there, and he said sadly that his wife (who is not yet saved) got upset and told him to leave the house. He said she wants to end the marriage.
Daniel was able to open the Bible and share several verses with Juaquin about what he needs to do right now and then we were all able to pray together.
One of the first things Daniel told Juaquin to do was to fast and pray for his wife. Juaquin said that he could but it really would probably do little good as his wife was so influenced by her family and he didn't see any way she would reconcile with him.
And Daniel said, "If you can't pray in faith believing that the Lord will work, then you shouldn't pray. If you lack faith, then ask God to give it to you. Ask with your whole heart; beg Him for it. He will give it to you. And then you can pray and then God will work."
That touched my heart as how often this past year I have asked the Lord for the faith I know I lack. Oh, how He loves us! Oh how He loves to give such precious, priceless gifts out of His abundant never-ending grace...faith, wisdom, love, peace, joy, meekness.
Oh, I have so far to go, yet He has brought me so far. It is a narrow road, but a blessed one!
If you think of Brother Juaquin and his wife (they have 2 little girls) please pray for them. The Lord is not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance!