Welcome! Nuestra Casa Es Su Casa ...Our house is your house

A glimpse into the life of Daniel and Jaynee Lockwood and their 12 precious blessings. Thank you for visiting; we pray that what we share here may always bring glory to our wonderful God and Saviour. May you praise the Lord with us for the great things He has done and continues to do as we serve Him sharing the gospel here in the little town of Cuidad Insurgentes, BCS Mexico. He alone is good and faithful!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Writing from my heart

The past couple of days I felt discouraged over many things. Cranky children, the house being a bit disorderly, continuous battling with skin infections, feeling like the children are "falling behind" in school, cold house at night brings on trouble with bed wetting for a few little ones thus more laundry, some discouraging comments, and frustrated over how I was reacting to everything.
In the midst of all this, a dear friend of mine wrote me an email. She had a "bad" day and asked me a couple of questions...
"Do your children talk nicely and work cheerfully all the time? And do you always talk sweetly? And is your house always kept clean and in order? "
I had to laugh thinking that think I have had to ask for forgiveness almost every day from the Lord or Daniel or one/all of the children for years.
I wrote my sweet friend back this morning and wanted to share here a couple things that I shared with her. I didn't write back right away because at the moment I got her email and that entire day in fact, I felt on the verge of tears. But she got me thinking about a couple of things. Yesterday afternoon, I took out my journal and wrote down all the things that were weighing heavily upon my heart. And as I knew I needed to do, I opened my Bible and read for a while asking the Lord to encourage and covict me with His Word. As I prayed for Him to help, I knew He would answer. Then last night, Daniel, who was the "blessed" recipient of my cries, gripes, complaints, and struggles the past couple of days, asked one of the ladies from our church to stay with the children after we put the little ones to bed and then he took me out and gave me food for my tummy and for my soul.
How I thank the Lord for my husband! He is always so wise and often so much righter than I. That is not to say he doesn't have his faults or is by any means perfect. There was a time that it seemed my eyes only saw his faults. Even as the Lord gave him victory over so many of them, I continued to focus on all I thought he did/said wrong.
How I praise the Lord for how He's worked in my heart! No matter what fault my husband may have, the Lord can and wants to use him to guide, direct, and lead our home. As I have continued to realize this and asked the Lord to help me to truly love, trust, respect, and submit to the man the Lord gave me as I do unto Him, I have been blessed in my life more than I can share!
And how the Lord has given Daniel wisdom and a heart for Him. When I have a problem, sometimems I think Daniel isn't listening or doesn't care or doesn't have time (yes, I can get very boo-hoo-y :) ). But he does listen and it is me that often doesn't. While things look so overwhelming or complicated to me, to Daniel, everything is quite simple, cut/and dry, easy.
He always says something like, "Jaynee, 'this' is your problem and 'this' is what you need to do." He encourages me constantly through the Scriptures as well. I always think I have listened but then I say, "But you don't understand...." and I go on to explain such and such. He usually interrupts and says, "Jaynee, trust me. You need to do this."
When I listen, I find what he says is just what the Lord wants me to do.
Yesterday, he told me that I have been taking on myself things that I do not need to. I am striving for 'perfection' in many things and when it doesn't turn out that way, I feel like I've failed. And he reminded me of what I knew was true.
The Lord wants me to do my best each day. He wants me to do all I do for Him. Somedays, my best may be that I only get done 30% of what "needs" to be done. I remember having days so morning sick that I could hardly walk. Often times I would get overwhelmed with all the responsibility of caring for such a large family.
I will be very honest in saying I have even had days of wondering if I made a big mistake. Of course, one look at any one of my children and I think how could the word "mistake" even cross my mind.
But those thoughts come at times when I am not thinking on what is true but letting my own thoughts or thoughts of others...man's wisdom rather than God's wisdom...fill my mind.
The Lord wants me to do my best each day. He wants me to teach my children to love and know Him every day when we wake up, walk during the day, sit down to eat, work, play, and lay down at night. Daniel and I have written down goals for our family and I am to do my best in working towards those goals each day. Daniel always tells me, "Jaynee, you are doing great. Keep doing what you are doing; don't give up or get discouraged". Of course, I tell him he just says that because he's my husband, but he assures me he's not :). Okay, that sounded funny...I mean Daniel is my husband; but he is not just saying that to make me feel good. :)
And know that for all my short comings and weaknesses, the grace of God abounds in my life and the lives of each of my children. I was reading in my devotions the other day in James...chapter 4 verse 6 says that God resists the proud but gives grace unto the humble.
How proud I can be at times. I think I can figure things out or have an excuse for why I reacted how I did or said what I said. But as I humble myself, ask for forgiveness when I fail, and give my life as a living sacrifice in service to my Lord, His grace will abound! He will fill all those gaps I cannot. He want to use me to do what He will do in the lives of each of my children. I am just His instrument and what joy to know how much He cares and how His yoke is easy and His burden is light.
I began thinking how often we compare ourselves with others. How often do we find our acceptance in what others think or in comparing ourselves to what another does or doesn't do? 2 Corinthians 10:12 "For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise."
I wrote to my friend this morning and said
Blogging is something that I do not really know how to approach sometimes. Originally, our blog was set up as to simply update on the ministry here. Daniel wrote the original posts. Within a short time, he turned that responsibility over to me. I love to write, and while I do try to update on the ministry, often what is on my heart/mind is what is going on here in the home or in my/our lives. I often wonder what is the balance in writing publically. I want what I write to always bring glory to the Lord; I want to be honest; I want to keep everyone updated on the ministry and family and how they can pray best for both. I don't want to paint the picture at all that we are anything close to perfect. The longer I live, the more I realize how very proud, selfish, and sinful my flesh is. The more I realize how wrong I can think. The more I realize how wrongly and hypocritically I have judged others. And the more I truly love the Lord as I see more and more of His amazing love, mercy and grace in saving me! So often I wonder what all to share and what not to share; where is the balance in keeping things private that should be but being open and honest and encouraging/blessing others through sharing??
I want to assure any who may read here, we do fail. While we daily teach and train our children, we are teaching/training them not in what comes naturally to them but what doesn't. They naturally hit when hit, have a bad attitude when something doesn't go their way, say things they shouldn't, do things they shouldn't, and like the Bible say, foolishness is truly bound up in their hearts. The Lord gives me sweet glimpses of His work in their lives which make all the tears, prayers, and work more than worth it. But having young children, you are truly in the "trenches" and I always like to think to myself each day "Little by little, step by step, precept upon precept." Be faithful each day and know we serve a God who loves to give grace to the humble.
Of course, we've gotten many emails/comments telling us how wrong we are and how much they disagree with what we do/say. :)
I'm not sure if this has all made sense or not as sometimes I just write what is on my heart and as the time for typing around here is short, I don't give the needed attention to grammar, spelling, and order. :)
Thank you all for your prayers. I love hearing from you and usually get back to anyone who emails (although it may take a while). I look forward to someday serving our Great King together forever in His presense! What a day that will be! And until then, His grace is sufficient!


  1. This was a great post for this young momma to read today! Thank you for openly sharing your heart.

  2. This is exactly what my heart needed today! Thank you for sharing!

  3. Jaynee~ Thank you for being so "raw" and open with us. You are a good example. I wish I knew you!!!! I would love to visit with you. Thank you for sharing with us.

    Oh about those bad comments you get. That amazes me. People are so hurtful and sometimes seems they have nothing better to do than to discourage others. Unfortunately those comments will always come but your surety is in the Lord. Praise Him for that! Not in man.

    Oh I love the homemade guns below. I am going to show my husband so he can teach our kids. How fun and old fashioned.

    Thank you again for your open heart. You are doing the greatest work here on earth that you will reap eternal blessings...... being a mother.


  4. Don't be discouraged! My mom raised 11 children and she always says how fast time went and it feels like a pleasant dream. I'm sure she had her days, but it's the good memories that stick for the rest of your life. Just enjoy each day with your blessings. You won't go to your grave regretting that your house wasn't always perfect!

  5. Wow, what an honest, uplifting, encouraging post. I can't say it better than liz did, above, "Thank you for openly sharing your heart."

    There are so many things you said I could respond to, relate to, and discuss, but just know that I appreciated every word and plan on reading the whole thing again after everyone is in bed tonight. And I will be praying for you to be strengthened and encouraged as well. :)

  6. What a dear you are Jaynee~ We are so glad you're not perfect cause then we'd have to not like you :-) hee hee
    But we do love your dear family and look forward to each and every post.
    And working in the "trenches" during this time..........well......I'm so glad I have you there with me, raising children to love the Lord and share that love with others.


  7. Thank you for this post. Sometimes I feel so inadequate when I see families bigger than mine that seem to be doing so much better than I at teaching and instilling the Lord's values in their children. Everything looks so perfect and I feel I fall short in all areas...thank you for telling me that it is just as hard for us all and that all that looks perfect may not be so perfect. Bless you for being you. Have a blessed Christmas.

  8. Jaynee,

    I don't post a comment often, but I read regularly through google reader.

    I have to say, just earlier this week I was struggling with homeschooling and housekeeping and just being a mother. The thought actually went through my head, "I bet Jaynee doesn't struggle like I do. I bet her life is so simple and sweet and wonderful...."

    Well, you get the idea. I have really been beating myself up. We ONLY have 5 kids with 1 on the way (in 5 years, though). How could my difficulties possibly compare with yours and yet you always blog about life being so good and wonderful and, EASY?

    Then, I log into google reader and read this post and the Lord gently reminds me that YOU are not the rod that I should measure myself by, but JESUS is.

    Thank you for this reminder. Thank you for speaking what is on your heart. Thank you for being honest about your frustrations and real life. You blessed me so much.

  9. Thank you for sharing from your ♥. How anybody could leave discouraging comments is beyond me - Christians are supposed to build one another up in the Lord, not tear them down.

    Have a great weekend,

  10. Jaynee, thank you so much for writing this. I've been reading your blog for a few months. You are living the life I always imagined for myself. I thought my husband and I would enter the foreign mission field and have a house bursting with children. I dreamed of at least 12. God had other plans for us though. He is a pastor here in NC but we were only able to have 2 children (2 others in heaven). Now I gain encouragement every time you read your blog or follow the story of the Duggar family. I think you are living out God's plan for Christian families with such courage! I hope our family can grow through adoption. Sister, you are prayed for today and if you ever need a friend, there is one in NC. :)


  11. Jaynee, Thank you for sharing your heart. God bless and keep you today.

  12. What you have written is very encouraging. I often find myself fearing what I think Im doing wrong with my children, but God redeems my shortcomings and uses what Im doing right to make them into what they should be. I must remember it is God who works the good in my children and they will continue to be a work in progress as am I. This is what God reminds me when Im complaining about all the messes Im having to clean in the day of getting to "what needs to be done." He often says two things to me: He still daily cleans my messes even when they are caused by my not listening to Him (ouch) and its in the "messes" or interruptions that He works.

  13. Thank you for being so encouraging. I really do enjoy reading about your and your family. Thank you for teaching through your writing. The Lord truly does know what each of us needs every day and I am so thankful that His tender mercies are renewed each and every day!

  14. Thank you for sharing, I read your blog often and it really encourages me. I do sometimes think, that you must be near perfect :), my 'struggles' seem so petty compared to what your family has faced this past year. Thanks for being so open and honest, the Lord uses you greatly even in your weakness. God Bless! ~Amber

  15. Thank you for being so "real". You are an inspiration to many of us!

    Please keep writing what is in your heart, the Lord is blessing your words through many people.

  16. Jaynee:

    I was just having the most awful day at work. Found out there were no Christmas bonuses coming this year and wondering how will explain to my daughter that this year we will have to be thankful for what we DO have and not for what we aren't able to have. As I was sitting at my desk, teay eyed I thought...I'm going to read The Lockwood blog, that always shows me that there are wonderful things happening without great means. I'm not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination. But your blog speaks to me and I check it every single day. I think it's important for you to know how many people you reach, even those who don't share your faith. When I was sad, I reached for you and you comforted me and all without ever having met. Your blog was my blessing today. Thank you for keeping it going.

  17. Just sending you prayers and hugs Jaynee, I'm so sorry that you others have discouraged you with their comments, words can be so hurtful, but I feel sorry for those that wrote them what a sad life if that is what they do to make themsleves feel better. Pray that they may come to know God through Jesus Christ. You are doing a wonderful job and that is totally evident in the beautiful smiling faces of your littlies. If you are down just think of the bear hugs you can have with them. We all get weary at times and that is when we need to step back and rest in God's arms. So sending you a smile and hug...

    Shelley p
    from over the pond

  18. I have come to understand over the last few years that people (unfortunately including myself at time) are quick to judge something they don't understand as "wrong." Jaynee, what you share is beautiful and real and honest. I never walk away from reading one of your posts without being encouraged or seeing something I feel sure the Lord is trying to tell me. You truly have a gift for writing where I feel I am talking with you in person. I, for one, am thankful I am not the only one who struggles with the things you talk about and just know that you are not alone, either. :)


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