Welcome! Nuestra Casa Es Su Casa ...Our house is your house

A glimpse into the life of Daniel and Jaynee Lockwood and their 12 precious blessings. Thank you for visiting; we pray that what we share here may always bring glory to our wonderful God and Saviour. May you praise the Lord with us for the great things He has done and continues to do as we serve Him sharing the gospel here in the little town of Cuidad Insurgentes, BCS Mexico. He alone is good and faithful!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Something close to my heart

Daniel and the oldest 2 boys are out in the village today preaching, the other children are outside playing, and I'm so very thankful.
I woke up grumpy this morning...I really did. For one, I've been sick with a nose that won't stop running, a cough that likes to keep me up at night, a weepy eye and often a pounding head. Then yesterday, something happened...someone did something...that I let bother me. And slowly that "bother" grew into anger and then I was just downcast all day. I continued to go over in my mind how wrong this certain thing was and how hurtful it was etc...
Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever known that what you were feeling/thinking was wrong? I knew my attitude stunk, I was miserable, I'm sure I wasn't great at covering up how I felt, and I just continued to feel that way because I just couldn't get away from it.
As I went to bed last night, I asked the Lord to forgive me for my anger and to help me see things the way He does. And then I went to sleep and woke up grumpy!
I got ready for the day and sat down to read my Bible and pray and I knew I needed to go again to the Lord and ask for His help.
I wrote in my journal briefly what was bothering me, how I was feeling, and then asked the Lord to please change me. I knew He would, but I didn't think it would happen as quickly as it did.
Before it was time to make breakfast, I felt so clean and happy. And that thing that had bothered me so...well, I honestly thought how silly I was to let it bother me. And I thought how terrible it was for me to be so sour and bitter over it!
It seems that is how it is with bitterness. Ephesians 4:31 says, "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice." It seems like the things that cause marriages to crumble, hatred and anger to thrive, relationships to suffer and die often stem from a little root of bitterness that if it isn't quickly weeded out and "put away", it grows and grows, and reaches farther and deeper than ever.
It doesn't have to even be a grave evil that causes one to be bitter. Just something or someone that is close to you that hurts you personally.
Someone once said that a good way to know if you are bitter towards someone is that if you can remember word for word the conversation/hurt that took place between you. You've probably gone over it so many times in your mind that it is stuck in there. And when you recall that conversation, it only musters up feelings of anger, saddness, hurt, envy, discouragement etc...
Oh, I've been guilty of that so many times! What a miserable and sad way to live! Yesterday, when I was stewing all day over some little thing, I was not changing the situation nor was I the least bit happy.
Amy Carmichael once said something that I have never forgotten.
“If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary’s love, for a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted."
What is inside "my cup" is what will come out when something "upsets" me. If I am full of the love, joy, and grace of the Savior, that is what will spill forth, but if I am full my selfish desires, lusts, and bitterness, that is what will come out. It's not the jarring of the cup that determins what is spilled out, but what was in the cup to begin with.
So what is one to do?
Ephesians 4:32, "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God fo Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
I prayed to accept Jesus Christ as my Saviour at a young age. I grew up in a Christian home, was faithful in church, and over all, to all who saw me, "did" all the right things. I don't remember a day when I did not believe the gospel. But it wasn't until a couple years ago that I saw myself as truly deserving hell for my own sins. I saw how dirty I was. How filthy my heart was! How proud, how selfish, and how much I did for the praise of man rather than God.
How I cried for the mercy and forgiveness of God! And how very thankful I was to know that Jesus Christ's sacrifice cleanses me from all my sins! God in His great mercy saved me!
I didn't have to do anything; I couldn't do anything to make up for how I was or what I had done. All I did was repent, ask for forgiveness, and believe.
So now, when one wrongs me, knowing what I truly deserve for my wrong toward God, how can I but forgive and give grace to another?
I still often fail and follow my own ways, but our patient, loving Lord is always waiting for us to run back to Him.
With Thanksgiving here, I have thought much on all I have for which to be thankful. I pick up baby Samuel each morning and my heart swells with love and thankfulness. I held my sweet cross-eyed Eliseo in my arms in front of the mirror today and could almost cry for how much I love him. Nehemiah wiped his snotty nose on my skirt a bit ago as he ran over to hug me and I again feel so thankful.
My 3 girls received a gift in the mail this morning...matching jumpers. How happy and thankful they were. I thought of the family who sent the gift and thought of what a blessing they have been to us in helping us grow closer to the Saviour. I'm so thankful for those the Lord brings into our lives to point us to Him.
We are taking a break from our regular routine this week to do special things for Thanksgiving; I watched my 4 middle boys run around exploring their "new land" and "trading with the Indians for furs" this afternoon. I'm so thankful for those who came before and sacrificed/suffered so we could have freedom in America.
I kissed Daniel and my 2 oldest boys good bye after breakfast as they headed out to preach for the day in the villages. Daniel prayed with me before they left and I was just so thankful. Thankful to be his wife, thankful and proud to see my two boys working with their Daddy, and so thankful that the gospel...the wonderful gospel which brings so much joy and freedom is being preached today here in Mexico.
Oh, the Lord is so good and faithful. How He loves you and me!


  1. Your sharing is so sweet and pure, Jaynee. I can relate so well - after a time of struggling with a bad attitude, I find it hard to forgive myself for my pettiness and anger. But God is our dear Father - and he treats us like precious children. You expressed your love for your little ones: isn't it comforting to know that God loves us in the same way and is just as ready to forgive us as we are to forgive our erring children? :)
    I'll be praying that you will be feeling better soon so you can meet your family's needs with strength.

  2. There are thing practical acts that can help us forgive those who've wronged us.

    1. Don't talk about the grievance, i.e., don't rehash it.

    2. Don't think about the grievance. When it comes to mind, discipline yourself to forget it, and give it to God.

    3. Never bring it up to the person who wronged you, e.g., "Remember when"...fill in the blank.

    This stuff is never easy, but God promised that He would empower us to be obedient to His Word. Dying to self is still tough. As our pastor pointed out, "God isn't interested in our comfort, He's interested in our character."

    Happy Thanksgiving.


  3. Jaynee,
    Yet again, your words ministered to me. Thanks for your transparency. The girls are lovely in their new jumpers.
    Happy Thanksgiving!
    Love In Him
    Janice Gordon
    Wilton, NH

  4. I love hearing what God has been working in your heart and would love to meet you one day!!

    I do hope you feel better soon though...you seem sick quite often. do you take any supplements?

  5. Oh Jaynee~ big {{hugs}} to you. You are so encouraging! What adorable jumpers and those great big smiles on the girls. Pure beauty!

    Many blessings to each of you on this Thanksgiving day!!

    ~The Kerschner Family

  6. I love the quote by Amy Carmichael. How I need to stay filled with the Lord's sweetness and how many times I have failed. We serve a precious Father. It is interesting and very common to read about how you "accepted Jesus as Savior" but then only really understood that you were actualy deserving of hell but by God's amazing grace. This testimony is so often heard. Personally, it caused my husband and I to re-evaluate the common push in some circles to quickly evenly urgently to get the children saved. Not that we do not desire Salvation but so many over the years pray a prayer to accept Jesus never fully seeing themselves as a sinner and then either struggle questioning their Salvation or walk around with a false assurance. Blessings to you as you choose to keep letting the Lord fill your cup I know I need mine filled with his sweetness.

    Blessings - and the jumpers are adorable. By the way, we are so thankful to be accepting another baby in July.


  7. That was sooo very beautiful, as that same thing happened to me this morning. As I sat writing something important, I realized how just silly I was. But for those few hours, I was ready to justify my hurt and make the day quite miserable. I did call and make amends with that person.

    The thing I struggle with most at times is the jealousy of certain members of my family that have had a Mom/Dad stay together and a family. Sometimes I'll just, like you said, let it sit and I'll have it reminded to me over and over again that I didn't have that great family, or Mom/Dad. And then towards a family member who did absolutely nothing, but got a letter or phone call from their family, I'll get completely upset at them. And not speak to them for a while. It's silly, but I'm sooo happy for them it hurts.

    I've really struggled with letting my past go and focusing on the fact that God is my Father and He has provided soo much in my life and for our family. :)

  8. It's so true that our bitterness - even over petty things - stems from lack of thankfulness. Discontentment can breed such nasty attitudes. Thanks, Jaynee, for letting us see your sweet, thankful spirit - you are such an example to us. Thanks also for sharing posts like this with us that show us you really are human. :)

  9. Thank you for sharing!

  10. Thank you for your words today. The wisdom you shared is needed in my life right now. Our church is hurting right now due to the sins of our youth pastor. He has been fired, but the last 5months have been hurtful and damaging. I need to remember to let go of bitterness, and live free in Jesus.
    The girls look adorable.

  11. Oh, I have been there many times...and what you said is so true - I am miserable until I go to the Lord and get cleansed from my sins. I get so frustrated with myself because I tell myself that I won't let it happen again, and then I fall into the trap again. But the Lord's tender mercies are renewed daily and for that I am forever thankful. I truly am a work in progress!

    Again, thank you for your transparency.

  12. Hello,
    What more can we say other than the Lord really knows what we need to hear and the exact time we need it! Thank you & thank God!
    Pray you feel well soon...are all the children better!
    A blessed thanksgiving to you all!
    The Mayo Family

  13. Hello Lockwoods,

    Happy Thanksgiving Day from the States! Enjoy your family time today! We are often praying for you all.

    Love the Inion family

  14. Thank you for sharing!

    LOVE the pics!


  15. I am very encouraged by your blog, thank you so much for sharing this and your pictures and activities that you do. We only have 5 children (just had #5 on 11/10) but it is such an inspiration to see how you handle so many more so gracefully and with so much love. You are a blessing, God bless you!

  16. your girls are just LOVELY!!


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