My sweet little Samuel,
Yesterday I got to hold you! While the first time I held each of your brothers and sisters was wonderful, holding you made my heart so happy I can't even describe it. It was one of the most amazing 2 minutes of my life; I will never forget it and wish I could have held you forever. You are so little and fragile that the nurses couldn't let me hold you very long, but I have and will continue to hold you close in my heart every minute of each day. Mommy tried hard to not let you get wet by my tears so you wouldn't get cold.
You know, Mommy had a hard day yesterday. I had looked forward to seeing you all day, but I was so weak from all the blood loss I was having a hard time getting up. My sweet nurse came in about 9 pm and asked if I wanted to try to get into a wheel chair. It was so hard, but I wanted to see you so badly. I just wanted to touch you one time. Your wonderful daddy and the nurse were so patient. Mommy was so dizzy and felt so sick, but they kept putting cold wash cloths in my face and neck and took me down the halls very slowly. When we finally got into the NICU, I wasn't sure if I could make it because they keep it so warm in there for you and all the other little babies and it made mommy feel so sick. The nurse washed my hands really well for me and we finally made it to your bed.
I looked up and there you were...breathing all on your own! What a strong little man you are. I touched your sweet tiny head full of dark hair and then your nurse asked me if I wanted to hold you. Daddy said nobody had held you before, so I would get to be the first. The moment they placed you in my arms I didn't feel sick at all. Do you remember what I told you? I told you how much I love you and miss you. I told you what your name means and how much Jesus loves you. I told you how perfect God made you and how much you look like your brothers and sisters who can't wait to meet you. I told you to not be scared and that Jesus was with you and I would come back as soon as I could. Our time was up because we both needed to get more rest.
Did you sleep well last night? Your nurses are so kind and are taking such good care of you. Mommy slept well last night and feel much stronger this morning. Each time my nurse woke me up to give me my medicines, I would instantly think of you and what sweet sleep I had as you make my heart overflow with love and joy. I think you were the best "medicine" they gave me!
I can't wait to see you again today Samuel. So many people are praying for you and we KNOW that God hears! I love you so much.
love,
Mommy
A little scare....I read your title to this entry and thought something had happened to Samuel. Thankfully I read on and saw that he is doing GREAT. Wow, breathing on his own. That is SO awesome. So thankful that you were able to hold him. What a sweet man you husband is (of course you already know this) to let you be the first to hold your son!!!! We are praying for you!
ReplyDeleteNotice precious Samuel's tiny finger pointing to his ear in his last picture. Looks like baby sign language for "God has heard". :)
ReplyDeleteI haven't written much; however, I just wanted you to know that I've been praying for you and now for your sweet little Samuel! My sweet little niece was born on March 12th, weighing 3lbs. 15oz., but that was 19 years ago! :) She's now strong and healthy and I know the same will be true for your precious little Samuel!♥ Just know you have 'cyber friends' in Kansas City praying for you! Blessings, Debi
ReplyDeleteBreathing on his own!! Your wee little one is being held in God's hands. So glad you got to hold him - I bet he felt so much better, too!!!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! I cried as I read your sweet words. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteNicole
I'm so glad you got to hold your precious new boy! I am praying for him and you!! What a sweet letter to tell him about this very special first meeting!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Jen
Jaynee, I have been following your blog now since last year when we were all praying for little Gwyneth over at Nate and Tricia's blog- so I have been a faithful reader and sometimes comment writer to your wonderful blogs about your family! But this morning you have me in total tears! That is the sweetest letter a mama has ever written to a baby I am sure! We continue to ask our Lord to give you "strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow!" Praising God with you for surely our "God has heard" the desires of your heart!
ReplyDeleteRest in His arms today...
Susan
Such a precious post. Please know a "stranger" is sharing with you - both tears of joy and prayers for your little one. May God continue to richly bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. Praying you can hold him again soon. And longer.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this intimate moment with the world - God is so good isn't He? Praying for strength for all of you!!!
ReplyDeleteno dry eyes here...
ReplyDeletePraise God for Samuel breathing on his own and for you being able to hold your precious little one...
I am praying for you...
Nadine
How precious, Jaynee. Thank you for sharing. My 15yo daughter read your first few lines and said that you sounded so much like me. (I think she was referring to the "gooey-ness") She can't begin to comprehend a mother's heart yet. What a special blessing your little Samuel is. So glad you're through this and praying that you gain strength quickly.
ReplyDeleteLove, Amy
Ah, Jaynee, this mother's heart is touched and raining tears of gladness for you. God is good.
ReplyDeleteOh, Jaynee! You brought tears to my eyes. I hope VERY soon you can be holding and nursing little Samuel. He is so perfect! Praying your strength returns amazingly fast. The God of MIRACLES holds you in His hands!!! :)
ReplyDeleteLove, Leah
What a blessing he is, I am so glad you got to hold him already even if for just a few mins. I couldn't hold my girls for about a week and over a month for the other one. Hardest thing I have ever had to do, wait like that!
ReplyDeleteHe is so precious and such a miracle. Blessing to him and all of you!
Lori
Oh, Jaynee, I'm bawling like a baby as I read this! I was away overnight, so didn't see the wonderful pics or read these last couple of posts till just now! Thank you for sharing these intimate details! It is such a blessing to read, and to be able to be part of from afar. Samuel Thomas is the perfect name for your gorgeous, tiny new son! Praying that you both continue to feel stronger and do better and better with each passing hour!
ReplyDeleteJaynee,
ReplyDeleteYou should so write a book! :) Your letter was beautiful! What a blessing Samuel will be able to read your thoughts at this time in years to come! :)
Praise the Lord he is breathing on his own.
My last one, weighing 9 pounds, but having a hard time breathing, was kept in the NICU. I could totally relate to the warmth in the room. I kept asking WHY was it so hot in there, feeling that I was going to be sick at any moment. Well my baby was the only one so fat, the little ones in there didn't have a lot of baby fat to keep warm. :) I am glad you are feeling better today! Maybe the room won't be sooo hot to you! :) How long will you be in the hospital?
We are praying for you! :)
Jackie Monnin in WA
Daniel, Jaynee and family,
ReplyDeleteI just get goosebumps reading about Samuel. You see, we also had a preemie - 8 years ago - born at 32 weeks, but she weighed in at 5 lbs 7 ozs. She had to be on a ventilator, and had to be intubated, and shipped to another hospital, 3 hours away. She was born on a Tuesday, and I did not get to hold her until Friday. I am soo thankful to God that Samuel is doing so well. Also you Jaynee. I remember how hard it was to get out of bed that first time. I am proud of you for sticking with it, because the trip to NICU was definately worth it. Praise be to our heavenly Father for His continued care and very obvious care in your case. Thanks for keeping us updated.
Cindy in Canada
I'm so glad you're getting rest and got to hold little sweet Samuel! What better motivation for you to get up and around. I know when Gavin was really low on blood, after his car accident, he was soooo weak and as his blood built back up he was a new person.
ReplyDeleteWe'll keep praying for you both to fully heal and get all better!!
I loved your post~
~Cinnamon
Beautiful!
ReplyDeleteFeel better soon.
I too read the the title and thought something had happened to your sweet little boy...I am so glad that is not the case and that he is doing so well :) Praying that both of you continue to get stronger so that you can all be together as a family. Have the other kiddos gotten to see him and you since the delivery? Hope they get to visit soon...I know you would love that and so would they!
ReplyDeletePraising God, with so many others!! I too, had to scan this post, as well as the ones below, since I hadn't checked your blog for 2-3 days....your title scared me, for a moment! LOVE his name! Love his dark hair! Love your writings! Rejoicing for child #12--God's faithfulness never ceases to amaze me!
ReplyDeleteJaynee - I read the title of your post and just started weeping. I have been praying and praying for your little one and your entire family. I thought Samuel had gone to Heaven. What a wonderful relief to continue reading and see that he's not only still here but breathing on his own. I'll keep praying!!
ReplyDelete:)
The title of the post had me scared for a minute. Phew! I am glda things are OK. I continue to pray.
ReplyDeleteJaynee,
ReplyDeleteWhat a precious treasure to hold your sweet Samuel. I too had a preemie 18 years ago and I had to wait 2 weeks before I held him in my arms. I did not get to see him for 2 days after his birth due to my own complications. God has truly blessed you and little Samuel. I continue to pray for both of you in your recovery and Praise God for Hearing all our prayers.
Thank you for sharing this precious, intimate time and trust in God with oh so many others here in cyber land. I pray God uses this to guide others to His perfect will.
Sonja - Fl
Dear Jaynee,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you got to hold Samuel. Your letter brought tears to my eyes too! I continue to pray for you both. I'm glad you are feeling better and that he is breathing on his own, PTL!
God Bless,
Kim in NC
Oh my goodness, I was so frightened too when I saw your title. I am praising God for his amazing care and tender mercies towards you and your precious Samuel!! What a miracle and a blessing!! Samuel is one of our favorite names too. :-) I've had 3 preemies (all between 34-36 weeks) so the fact that he is already breathing on his own is amazing! God is so clearly protecting you all through this.
ReplyDeleteWow. I must admit though...at first I got nervous when I read your title. I thought something had happened to Samuel. I LOVE your post. How sweet and precious to write this to your boy. He will forever hold this in his heart on this earth. What a memory. Great job!! I am praying for you and Samuel and for your hubby and the other children. This is a blessed time for all of y'all and I know everyone is ready to be together again.
ReplyDeleteJennifer Weir
Jaynee,
ReplyDeleteUpon further reading of your post, I am relieved to see that little Samuel is okay. Praise the Lord he is healthy and breathing on his own. He is such a handsome,precious boy. I am continuing to pray for both of you as I know you need to recover from many weeks of illness and I know little Samuel needs to gain in strength and size. God truly has heard all the prayers and tears that have gone out for your entire family. I am so thankful He led me to your blog so I could be a part of the prayers; things are never by chance. God Bless you and your family. I will continue to watch the blog to check for updates and make sure you all are well. I pray you make it back to your mission home soon.
Love in Christ,
Michelle White, Midland Texas
A precious first letter to your dear son!!! Our Samuel weighed 4 lb. 9 oz. at birth (his twin brother weighed 4 lb.) We are so glad Samuel is breathing on his own and will pray for him and for the rest of your family!! Sleep well and be at peace in Jesus! May Samuel grow to be a strong man who hears from God! Our twins are 11...I remember those tiny babies as if it was yesterday.
ReplyDeleteLove, Pamela in Florida
I'm 29 wks along right now and reading this made me cry like a baby. Hope you get stronger soon and we are so happy you were able to go and hold him. Looking forward to seeing updates on how Samuel is doing. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that you all have read this numerous times lately, but I'll share it here:
ReplyDelete1 Samuel 1 (King James Version)
1 Samuel 1
1Now there was a certain man of Ramathaimzophim, of mount Ephraim, and his name was Elkanah, the son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephrathite:
2And he had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah: and Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children.
3And this man went up out of his city yearly to worship and to sacrifice unto the LORD of hosts in Shiloh. And the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, the priests of the LORD, were there.
4And when the time was that Elkanah offered, he gave to Peninnah his wife, and to all her sons and her daughters, portions:
5But unto Hannah he gave a worthy portion; for he loved Hannah: but the LORD had shut up her womb.
6And her adversary also provoked her sore, for to make her fret, because the LORD had shut up her womb.
7And as he did so year by year, when she went up to the house of the LORD, so she provoked her; therefore she wept, and did not eat.
8Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?
9So Hannah rose up after they had eaten in Shiloh, and after they had drunk. Now Eli the priest sat upon a seat by a post of the temple of the LORD.
10And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed unto the LORD, and wept sore.
11And she vowed a vow, and said, O LORD of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life, and there shall no razor come upon his head.
12And it came to pass, as she continued praying before the LORD, that Eli marked her mouth.
13Now Hannah, she spake in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard: therefore Eli thought she had been drunken.
14And Eli said unto her, How long wilt thou be drunken? put away thy wine from thee.
15And Hannah answered and said, No, my lord, I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit: I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but have poured out my soul before the LORD.
16Count not thine handmaid for a daughter of Belial: for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief have I spoken hitherto.
17Then Eli answered and said, Go in peace: and the God of Israel grant thee thy petition that thou hast asked of him.
18And she said, Let thine handmaid find grace in thy sight. So the woman went her way, and did eat, and her countenance was no more sad.
19And they rose up in the morning early, and worshipped before the LORD, and returned, and came to their house to Ramah: and Elkanah knew Hannah his wife; and the LORD remembered her.
20Wherefore it came to pass, when the time was come about after Hannah had conceived, that she bare a son, and called his name Samuel, saying, Because I have asked him of the LORD.
21And the man Elkanah, and all his house, went up to offer unto the LORD the yearly sacrifice, and his vow.
22But Hannah went not up; for she said unto her husband, I will not go up until the child be weaned, and then I will bring him, that he may appear before the LORD, and there abide for ever.
23And Elkanah her husband said unto her, Do what seemeth thee good; tarry until thou have weaned him; only the LORD establish his word. So the woman abode, and gave her son suck until she weaned him.
24And when she had weaned him, she took him up with her, with three bullocks, and one ephah of flour, and a bottle of wine, and brought him unto the house of the LORD in Shiloh: and the child was young.
25And they slew a bullock, and brought the child to Eli.
26And she said, Oh my lord, as thy soul liveth, my lord, I am the woman that stood by thee here, praying unto the LORD.
27For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him:
28Therefore also I have lent him to the LORD; as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the LORD. And he worshipped the LORD there.
Love in Christ,
Christine
wow! i was So shocked when i read the title of this post as i was away this weekend . . . and am So overwhelmingly joyful to hear of your sweet Samuel's safe arrival. PRAYING for you jayne that you will continue to heal and gain your strength, PRAYING for samuel to daily grow big and strong and healthy! God is GOOD!!!!! :) Praise His HOLY Name!!!!! :)
ReplyDeletelovingly,
misty in IN
I was so worried when I first read your blog title!! I thought something had happened! But alas, I'm SO thankful that he's still doing well, and that you're both on the road to recovery. You remain in our prayers! God is faithful!!! We love you!!! :)
ReplyDeletejess and charley
Oh, that title scared me! So glad he is breathing on his own, and you are getting some much needed rest. Praise God!
ReplyDeleteGod bless you, your precious little son and all lovely family!
ReplyDeleteI just happened to read your blog as I was paging through my nephews - so happy things are going well.