My sweet little Samuel,
Yesterday I got to hold you! While the first time I held each of your brothers and sisters was wonderful, holding you made my heart so happy I can't even describe it. It was one of the most amazing 2 minutes of my life; I will never forget it and wish I could have held you forever. You are so little and fragile that the nurses couldn't let me hold you very long, but I have and will continue to hold you close in my heart every minute of each day. Mommy tried hard to not let you get wet by my tears so you wouldn't get cold.
You know, Mommy had a hard day yesterday. I had looked forward to seeing you all day, but I was so weak from all the blood loss I was having a hard time getting up. My sweet nurse came in about 9 pm and asked if I wanted to try to get into a wheel chair. It was so hard, but I wanted to see you so badly. I just wanted to touch you one time. Your wonderful daddy and the nurse were so patient. Mommy was so dizzy and felt so sick, but they kept putting cold wash cloths in my face and neck and took me down the halls very slowly. When we finally got into the NICU, I wasn't sure if I could make it because they keep it so warm in there for you and all the other little babies and it made mommy feel so sick. The nurse washed my hands really well for me and we finally made it to your bed.
I looked up and there you were...breathing all on your own! What a strong little man you are. I touched your sweet tiny head full of dark hair and then your nurse asked me if I wanted to hold you. Daddy said nobody had held you before, so I would get to be the first. The moment they placed you in my arms I didn't feel sick at all. Do you remember what I told you? I told you how much I love you and miss you. I told you what your name means and how much Jesus loves you. I told you how perfect God made you and how much you look like your brothers and sisters who can't wait to meet you. I told you to not be scared and that Jesus was with you and I would come back as soon as I could. Our time was up because we both needed to get more rest.
Did you sleep well last night? Your nurses are so kind and are taking such good care of you. Mommy slept well last night and feel much stronger this morning. Each time my nurse woke me up to give me my medicines, I would instantly think of you and what sweet sleep I had as you make my heart overflow with love and joy. I think you were the best "medicine" they gave me!
I can't wait to see you again today Samuel. So many people are praying for you and we KNOW that God hears! I love you so much.